Previously on "Charmed"

Billie: To make a lover's dream come true...Well, maybe at least this one will help Phoebe out.

Dex:  I love you, Mrs. Lawson.

Dex:  If you wanna go down to city hall and get this fixed--

Phoebe:  To get it annulled?

Dex:  Well, yeah.

Phoebe:  Maybe we made a mistake faking our own death.

Murphy:  Agent Murphy, Homeland Security.

Piper:  You wanna know more about who we are and what we do, we'll tell you.

Phoebe:  And help you out with a few cases along the way. If you help us.

Murphy:  I can't talk about the specifics of the case the sisters are involved in, ok? All I can say is it involved a threat to national security, that our agency got involved to protect them.

Paige:  Welcome back.

[Electric knife]

Paige:  Dang, what'd the pumpkin ever do to you?

Piper:  Nothing, I'm venting.

[Telephone rings]

Piper:  No. Don't get that. It could be Oprah's people again. They want to do a special on lady spies.

Paige:  Lady spies?

Piper:  You heard me, and some producer's been calling for the movie rights to our cover story.

Paige:  I guess it's better than T.V., right?

Piper:  Trust me. We won't be doing T.V., either

Paige:  Well, it's, uh-- it's a little late for that, actually.

Billie:  Little late for what?

Paige:  What are you doing here?

Billie:  Oh, it's funny you should ask. Actually, I--

Piper:  Ya know, Paige, we really need to do something about this. It's not good.

Paige:  It's gonna blow over.

Piper:  Really? Does this look like it's blowing over?

Paige:  Eww.

Billie:  It's a good picture. Well, it is.

Paige:  Ok. This isn't about the witch secret. They're just trying to figure out what we're doing with Homeland Security, and you know what? They're not going to find out anything.

Piper:  Well, they're going to keep looking until they find something, and that something could easily turn into a witch hunt.

Billie:  Oh, speaking of hunting--

Paige:  Nothing is going to happen.

Piper:  Really? 'Cause something happened to Prue.  We die to have normal lives.  We come back from the dead to get our old lives back, and, somehow, we end up living in a fishbowl.  You know, Agent Murphy was supposed to protect us from this.

Paige:  Ok. Uhh. I'm going to disarm you now.  It's all gonna be ok. I promise.

Piper:  How can you promise that?

Paige:  Well, I'm not entirely sure, but-- but I promise that it's gonna be, because you know what? You're just gonna take care of Halloween, and I am gonna deal with getting the press off of our backs.

Billie:  And I will focus on my demon.

Piper:  What demon?

Billie:  Just the one I've been tracking. No big deal. I can take him.

Paige:  Oh, no. Actually, you're not taking anybody.

Billie:  No, somebody's gotta take him down. He's--he's killing other demons and gaining power by the day.

Piper:  Great. Witch vanquishes demon. Film at 11.

Billie:  No. The press doesn't even know who I am, that's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I wanna do it.

Paige:  Why do you want to do it?

Billie:  So I can show you guys that I can. Come on. Please, I know I can do this.

Piper:  Fine, but if you get caught on tape, I will vanquish you.

Billie:  [Laughs]  She's serious?

Paige:  Eh. Just don't get caught.

[Doorbell rings]

Paige:  Trick-or-treaters?

Piper:  A day early?

Seth:  Seth Parra, Bay Mirror. So, what's the big secret?

Piper:  [Laughs] We're screwed.

THEME

Paige:  Hey, I think I figured out how to, uh -- What are you doing?

Piper:  I'm organizing the candy for tomorrow.   I have chocolate, sugar free, and chocolate with nuts.

Paige:  Well, isn't part of the fun of Halloween the whole mixed bowl thing?

Piper:  No. I don't want any allergic reactions or angry parents. We've got enough problems as it is.

Paige:  Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out how to get the press off of our broomsticks.   [Gasps] Holy-- we have rats.

Piper:  Yeah, they're everywhere. Get used to 'em. So what's this big solution?

Paige:  Where did they come from?

Piper:  The San Francisco Chronicle, uh, the Daily News, and the Enquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage.

Paige: So you turned them into rodents?

Piper:  Well, I could've blown them up.

Paige:  Uh, here's the thing. If we get Phoebe to talk to this reporter who's leading the charge-- luckily he works at her paper--we can--

Piper:  How's that gonna help?

Paige:  Because... if she can convince him that we are completely uninteresting, then hopefully he'll just go away and take all the lemming reporters with him.

Piper:  They're more like rats.

Paige:  And I will be the pied Piper of Prescott Street, leading them away from the manor.   Sadly, Piper, you have to turn them back.

Piper:  No.

Paige:  Piper.

Piper:  You're no fun. What are y'all waitin' for? You're trespassing. This is private property.  What are you, crazy?

Leo:  Where did they come from?

Paige:  Pest problem. I'll take care of it.

Piper:  If you don't, I will.

Paige:  Piper, you cannot blow up the entire media. Wish me luck.

Leo:  Well, it's getting worse. Now the women at the preschool think I'm some kind of freaking leper.

Piper:  Why?

Leo:  Because they think I'm married to a spy. That's why.

Piper:  Well, better that than to a witch.   Why'd you get candy corn? Nobody likes candy corn.

Leo:  They were out of everything else.

Piper:  Well, you gotta go somewhere else and get more.

Leo:  More? We have 12 bags. That's more than we gave out all last year.

Piper:  Yeah, well, you know what, last year we weren't famous, ok? I don't want to have to turn off the lights and pretend like we're not home. I want the boys to have a nice Halloween if it's the last thing we do.

Leo:  But the boys aren't even 3. They're not gonna remember.

Piper:  You know what? I will. Come on. Don't argue with me. Can't you just go get the candy? Is that really such a big deal? Is that such a big problem?

Leo:  ok.

Paige:  Piper is freaking out.

Phoebe:  Yeah.

Paige:  Yeah.   The press is rummaging through the trash.  The phone is ringing off the hook. She's worried about exposure, and, frankly, so am I.

Phoebe:  Hey, do you know if Dex called?

Paige:  Dex? Are you listening to me?

Phoebe:  Yes. I am listening to you. I'm sorry. It's just we haven't really talked since I told him I was a witch.

Paige:  Right. Which brings us back to exposure, ok?  And that brings us back to--

Phoebe:  I don't even know if he wants to see me again. I mean, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.

Paige:  Ok. Yeah. You're right. Love sucks. How 'bout bringing the focus just back around a little bit?

Phoebe:  Yes. Yes. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

Paige:  So what we need to do is try to get Seth Parra off of our backs.

Phoebe:  Uh, that's not gonna happen.

Paige:  Why?

Phoebe:  Because he is a hardcore journalist, and he's determined to do anything to get back in the big leagues.

Paige:  What's his deal?

Phoebe:  Uh, he used to be at the Times, and he did this big mafia exposé and exposed his source in the process.

Paige:  All right. Wasn't that, like, a call girl? A Carol--Carol--

Phoebe:  Yeah. Flowers.

Paige:  Yeah.

Phoebe:  She got killed because of it, and her death has haunted him ever since.

Paige:  That's horrible, but the haunting could be good for us.

Phoebe:  Look, no us, ok, Paige? I just-- I can't right now.

Paige:  Ok, Phoebe, this affects all of us. What exactly is more important than keeping our secret right now?

Phoebe:  Uh... I'm pregnant.

Paige:  Dex?

Phoebe:  No. Actually, some guy that I met at the gas station. Yes. Of course Dex.

Paige:  Well, are you sure?

Phoebe:  Yeah. I took the test this morning.

Paige:  What are you gonna do?

Phoebe:  I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him, but... I don't even know if he'll talk to me.

Paige:  Well, the hits just keep on comin'.

The Dogan:  And so do demons, but instead of fighting them, I plan on leading them.

Tomar:  How do you expect to lead demons when you keep killing them to steal their powers?

The Dogan:  You respect power, don't you?

Tomar:  Of course. But that's not--

The Dogan:  Then that's your answer. It's kill or be killed in the underworld. You know that.   But with the return of the charmed ones, one must rise again to lead.

Tomar:  You?

The Dogan:  Careful, Tomar, or I'll steal your power next. Now, who's next on the list?

Tomar:  A shapeshifter-- Abet.  [Creak] He operates...

Guard:  Who are you?

Billie:  Shh. I don't want them to hear.

Guard:  Hear what?

Billie:  This.

Guard:  Uhh!

Billie:  Oww! Uhh!

The Dogan: Does he have any offensive powers?

Tomar: None you have to worry about, as long as you get him before he changes shapes.

The Dogan:  Do you know where to find him?

Tomar:  His territory's East Market. He preys in alleys.

The Dogan:  Don't they all?

Billie: [Gasps] Aah!

Tomar:  I think we should start over by--

The Dogan:  What was that?

[Billie breathing heavily]

Dex:  Hi.

Phoebe:  Hi.  Can I come in?

Dex:  Ok. So how you been?

Phoebe:  Wondering how you've been. That good, huh?

Dex:  What do you want me to say, Phoebe? I mean, give me a break. It's not every day you find out you're married to a witch.

Phoebe:  At least we got it annulled.

Dex:  That's not the point.

Phoebe:  Yeah, I know. [Sighs] How can I help you with this?

Dex:  I don't know. I wish I did. It's just a lot, you know? I didn't even know witches existed before. You can turn into other people, you can see the future, you can win the lottery whenever you want.

Phoebe:  Naw, actually, we can't do that. We're not allowed.

Dex:  There are rules?

Phoebe:  Well, yeah.

Dex:  I don't know how to process this.

Phoebe:  I know.

Dex:  Look, you wanted to tell me something?

Phoebe:  [Sighs] Can we go for a walk, get some fresh air, please?

Seth:   So what's the deal, Phoebe?  Is he part of this, too? Does he know what's going on?

Phoebe:  Are you following me?

Seth:  Damn right I am. So, uh, tell me, were you two sleeping together before this witness protection thing or is this, uh, a new relationship?

Piper:  Mmm. Ooh, mmm.

Phoebe:  "I like you, Phoebe, a lot, but you're a witch, so bye-bye," you know? And that's just a little bit of my bigger problem.

Piper:  What did you tell Paige? She's got some hair-brained scheme up her sleeve.

Phoebe:  You know what? I am a wreck. My boobs feel enormous, and all I want to do is eat all of this candy.

Piper:  Have a candy corn. We got plenty.

Phoebe:  Why does everything have to be so difficult? I mean, why can't it just be easy? And I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to tell Dex? "Hey, I know you don't want to be with me 'cause I'm a witch, but you know what? I'm pregnant, so tough."

Piper:  What? Vermin! Ohh! Uh, uh... could you repeat that?

Phoebe:  Wait, I told you, didn't I?

Piper:  No, you didn't tell me. I think I would remember the small embryo part!

Phoebe:  Oh, you know what, I might have told Paige.

Piper:  You told Paige and you didn't tell me?

Phoebe:  Well, I'm pregnant, ok? I'm a little scatter-brained right now. Forgive me.

Piper:  Well, I'm sorry, it's a little too early for you to use that excuse.  Are you sure?

Phoebe:  I took the test.

Piper:  Well, nothing's for sure until you see your doctor and have a blood test. Did you do that?

Phoebe:  No, but it all times out, doesn't it? I just don't understand why it can't be with a guy who accepts me for who I am.

Piper:  Well, He's obviously scared and confused about who you are. I mean, can you blame him? The only thing you can do is try to talk to him.

Phoebe:  I've tried.

Piper:  Well, so you need to try again. I mean, if he's not gonna listen, then you need to write him a letter. He reads your column, doesn't he?

Phoebe:  Wait. Write him a letter in "Ask Phoebe"?

Piper:  Yeah! That should get his attention. Drastic times call for drastic measures, and you guys need to work this out soon, especially if there's a new baby to think about.

Billie:  Oh. Hello.

Phoebe:  Hey.

Piper:  What happened to you?

Billie:  Oh, this? It's nothing. You should see the other guy.

Piper:  Did you vanquish him?

Billie:  No, but I'm going to. I just have to go get some more potion, so...bye.

Piper:  What happened to the potions you had?

Billie:  Um, I just didn't have enough of them.

Phoebe:  Why not?

Billie:  Well, I sort of left them.

Piper:  Left them with the demons?

Billie:  You know, it's no big deal. No worries. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Piper:  Billie!

Phoebe:  Tell us what happened.

Billie:  [Sighs] I don't know. I was completely prepared. I researched the demon, I mixed the potions correctly and-- but I just froze.

Piper:  You froze? What do you mean? Why?

Billie:  I don't know why. It was so weird. It was nothing that he did, but it was like... it was like déjà vu.

Phoebe:  So wait, you think you've seen him before?

Piper:  How is that possible?

Phoebe:  What's the matter?

Billie:  Oh, nothing. Those things have always creeped me out.

Piper:  You can fight demons, but you're afraid of pumpkins?

Billie:  I'm not afraid of pumpkins.

Phoebe:  Ok, well, you're obviously afraid of something, otherwise you wouldn't have frozen, right? And it's ok. I mean, it happens to all of us. You just have to figure out why. You know, what triggered it. Do you think it's some kind of latent memory?

Billie:  Latent memory?

Piper:  Unresolved issue. Look, whatever it is, you gotta figure it out, and until then, you're not fighting any more demons.

Billie:  Oh, come on, everyone has baggage.

Piper:  Yeah, well, everybody doesn't fight demons. Now there's a first-aid kit upstairs for your hand.

Phoebe:  You think we're expecting too much from her?

Piper:  [Sighs] I don't think she's ready for any of this. Could be making a big mistake.

Billie:  Here goes nothin'.  "After this cruel memory is seen and said, erase these thought from my heart and my head". 

[Girl screams]

Billie:  Time to go kick some ass.

Seth:  Huh. Interesting place to meet. Planning on taking me out, are ya?

Paige:  I would never go out with you.

Seth:  Yeah. I was speaking metaphorically.

Paige:  Ah. Well, I wasn't.

Seth:  Ok. All right, come on.  What's going on? Why did you drag me all the way down here? Huh?  You gonna give me an exclusive or what?

Paige:  No. I brought you here to warn you.

Seth:  A warning, huh?

Paige:  Yeah. Yeah. You might want to, uh, you know, back off on your story.

Seth:  Oh, yeah, and why is that?

Paige:  That would be because we're still working on a case for Homeland Security which is very dangerous and ongoing.

Seth:  Really? Tell me about it.

Paige:  Some things are more important than your story, some things are best left quiet, and some things are actually for the greater go.

Seth:  Yeah. What a load of crap.  What could possibly be so important, so dangerous, to make the government wanna recruit sisters? Mmm. I don't buy it. There's more of this, and I'm gonna find out what.

Paige:  Even if it means hurting innocent people.

Seth:  That's not my responsibility.

Paige:  Like Carol Flowers wasn't' your responsibility

Seth:  Screw you.

Paige:  You know, we're never gonna talk.

Phoebe:  Sophie, is it too late to make the evening edition?

Sophie:  You want me to stop them?

Phoebe:  Yeah. I wanna swap out some of my advice. 

Sophie:  Hi. Uh, yeah, can you hold "Lifestyle"? Great. Thank I'll have new copy down in 5.

Phoebe:  You are a lifesaver.

Sophie:  Are you kidding? We're all just so happy to have you back that we'd do anything for you. Uh, not that I didn't like having your cousin around. She... she was your real cousin, wasn't she? Or was s heundercover, too?

Phoebe:  Ticktock.

Sophie:  Oh. "Pouting on Prescott"?

Phoebe:  Yeah. Don't tell anybody. I'm just trying to reach out to someone that I hurt.

Seth:  Were you behind this, too, huh? Were you?

Phoebe:  I don't know what you're talking about.

Seth:  [Laughs] You know damn well what I'm talkin' about.  Dragging my ass down to p-3, warning me. And just so you know, all you and your sisters just did was make things worse for you.

Phoebe:  Sophie, will you get one of my sisters on the phone, please?

Leo:  Whoa. Watch out.

Billie:  Sorry, sorry. Gotta go.

Leo:  Wait. Whoa. Wh-where?

Billie:  Don't I have a demon to vanquish?

Leo:  I don't know. Do ya?

Billie:  Did you get any Snickers?

Leo:  Uh, does Piper know about this?

Billie:  Yes, of course she knows about this.  Isn't that what I'm doing here, so I can fight demons so you guys can have a life?

Leo:  Such as it is.

Billie:  Wish me luck.  Boo.

Billie:  Marco... you're supposed to say "polo." Come on. I know you're here, Dogan. I tracked you.

The Dogan:  Cocky little witch, aren't you? Or foolish.

Billie:  I prefer the former.

Tomar:  Kill her!

The Dogan:  Not yet.

[Girl screams]

The Dogan:  You seem to have a little trouble holding on to these.

Billie:  Aah! Ohh!

The Dogan:  No, let her go. She's not worth the effort. Besides, we have a demon to wait for.

Dex:  Ahhh. Hi. Interesting advice. "Do whatever it takes to get somebody you've hurt to call, especially if he's a sculptor.   Obviously, you had a very narrow target audience.

Phoebe:  Well, tonight I do.

Dex:  How'd you, uh, know I'd read it?

Phoebe:  I didn't. It was my sister's idea.

Dex:  Thank her for me. Look, I'm sorry if I've been a jerk about all of this.  It just...

Phoebe:  it's ok, really. I mean, it's completely understandable.

Dex:  Sounds like you've been through this before.

Phoebe:  Yeah. Pretty much every time I fall for a guy, this seems to happen... unfortunately.

Dex:  Did you fall for me?

Phoebe:  Dex, you know I did.

Dex:  No, actually, I don't. That's kind of the problem. You said you had a, uh.. what did you call it, a vision or something

Phoebe:  Premonition.

Dex:  That we were gonna be married, right?

Phoebe:  Well, yeah, but the whole getting married thing was because of a spell.

Dex:  A spell?

Phoebe:  Yeah, you know-- witchcraft, magic, abracadabra stuff. You know. A friend of ours cast it. I had nothing to do with it.

Dex:  Yeah, see, and that's kind of my question.

Phoebe:  Look, I don't pretend to understand everything that happened here-- I may never--   between you pretending to be somebody else, the premonitions, the spells, how can you be sure you really did fall for me?  How can I?

Billie:  Paige!

Paige:  Hey, honey, how you doin'? What's wrong? You don't look so well.

Billie:  Yeah. I'm not feeling too great.

Paige:  Well, then why aren't you home resting?

Billie:  Um, I wanted to check something out in the book about The Dogan, you know, just in case I ever go up against him again. Don't want to let you guys down next time.

Paige:  Well, as long as next time isn't any time soon, how about you leave the demons to us for a while, ok?

Billie:  Yeah, right.  "After this cruel memory is seen and said, erase these thoughts from my heart and head."

Paige [as Carol the ghost]:  Windows!

[Wham]

[Wham]

Seth:  What was that?  What the hell? Who-- who are you?

Paige [as Carol the ghost]:  What's the matter, Seth? Don't you recognize me? You killed me.

Seth:  [Faintly] Help. Help!! Help! [Muffled] Help.

Paige [as Carol the ghost]:  Belts! You used me. All you cared about was getting your story! You didn't care what would happen to me. Look at me.

Seth:  Mm...

Paige [as Carol the ghost]:  Look at me! This is what your precious story did! This is what you did! If you ever hurt anybody again, I'll be back... for you!!

Seth:  Ohh!

The Dogan:  You don't fool me. I have been waiting for you, Abet.

Abet:  I'll see you in the wasteland.

The Dogan:  But not for a while.  Uhh!   Who's next?

Billie: Try me.

The Dogan:  You're a persistent little witch, I'll give you that. Ah! Overcome your fears, have you?

Billie: What fears?

The Dogan:  Ah! Oh! Uhh! Uhh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Oh!

Demon:  Are you all right?

The Dogan:  No! Oh... I'm not. Leave me! I've got a score to settle.

[Camera shutters]

Paige:  Get... lost. Get a life or something. Ohh! I thought I got rid of them. I can't believe it.

Phoebe:  Really? What made you think that?

Paige:  Well, I thought I scared Seth off, but look at his headline. It's worse than ever.

Phoebe:  I told you he was a pit bull.

Paige:  Well, you also said that he gets scared. Remember the whole Mafia story, Carol Flowers thing, you said he was haunted by it? So I figured if I could haunt him in real life that--

Phoebe:  You'd scare him off the case.

Paige:  Yeah.   Obviously, it didn't. Piper's gonna freak.

Phoebe:  Sometimes I just wonder if it wouldn't be better to just let the truth out.

Paige:  You're not serious, are you?

Phoebe:  Yeah. I mean why not? It couldn't get any worse.

Paige:  Well, yeah, actually it could. I mean, just think of how Dex reacted.

Phoebe:  Yeah. I am.

Paige:  You spoke to him?

Phoebe:  Yeah. I don't know. It's just so complicated. You know, I find this guy-- this great guy, and then the spell and the premonitions just mess everything up, and I'm left to wonder how I really feel about him. It's just so not fair.

Paige:  Well, how do you feel?

Phoebe:  Well, I like him... a lot. But do I love him? Do I want to have his baby and spend the rest of our lives together I just-- I don't know. And how can I know? Ehh, none of this makes sense.

Paige:  Maybe you should retake that test.

Phoebe:  Leo, what happened?

Leo:  Where's Piper?

Phoebe:  She's in the kitchen.

Paige:  You know what? [Sighs] Maybe I should call in the big guns.

Piper:  I'm sorry, what? You got in a fight? Where?

Leo:  At Wyatt's preschool.

Piper:  What did you do?

Leo:  Oh, what did I do? I didn't do anything, ok? I was protecting our son. This whole thing got way out of control.

Piper:  Wait. Is Wyatt all right?

Leo:  Of course he's all right. A photographer shoved his camera in his face.

Piper:  So, what? You went all Sean Penn on him?

Leo:  What? Am I supposed to let it go?

Piper:  Yes! That's precisely what you should have done.

Leo:  Oh, so you can turn them into rats, and I can't do anything.

Piper:  You know what? That's different.

Leo:  Why because you have powers?

Piper:  Uh, yeah, partly, because I can reverse the damage that I've done. You can't.

Leo:  Gotcha. So because you have powers and I don't, I'm just supposed to let it go, maybe let you figure it out for me, go get some more candy?

Piper:  What is wrong with you?

Leo:  Never mind.

Piper:  Don't you walk away from me!

Leo:  Watch me.

Paige:  All right, I am not going anywhere. I'm just gonna stay here and keep bugging you until somebody comes down here and... talks to me.

Elder:  Hello, Paige. How have you been?

Paige:  How have I been? You don't know what's going on?

Elder:  You didn't ask for our help before.

Paige:  Oh! So we're being punished for that now?

Elder:  No. Of course not. But we didn't get you into this mess. You did.

Paige:  "This mess"? This mess happened because we almost died fighting for the greater good. We actually made a split-second decision, and, hey, we chose life.  I know we've had we've had our differences in the past, but don't you think we maybe deserve a bit of a break here?

Elder:  Yes, I do, but getting out of this, turning the cameras away from you won't be as easy as you think

Paige:  ok, well how about calling the cleaners down here? They can erase some memories, rewind time--

Elder:  Not with this much time. Besides, you already burned that bridge.

Paige:  Memory dust.  Just sprinkle some.

Elder:  Too many people involved.  There's not enough.

Paige:  Can you cast a spell or maybe magnify one of ours at least?

Elder:  I'm afraid not.

Paige:  Ok. Well, I am exactly open to suggestions.

Elder:  The answer to your problems are not magical, Paige. They're human.

Paige:  Ok, I'm listening.

Elder:  Everyone's after an amazing story, aren't they? An extraordinary one? Just show them how ordinary you are. They'll go away.

Leo:  "Leo, can you pick up the dry cleaning. "Leo!! Can you drop the kids off at Dad's? "Leo!! "Can you fix the sink?! Leo, can you do this? Can you do that?" You know, I feel like I'm a freaking handyman again.

Piper:  Well, I'm sorry, Leo, that I work for a living, ok?

Leo:  Oh. Oh, ok. And because I do everything else around here, I don't.

Piper:  I don't ask you to do everything else.

Leo:  No, no. You just expect it. [Laughs]You know, every time I walk through the door, I never know what's next on your frickin' list of things to do, never-ending, by the way.

Piper:  Well, you know what? Welcome to marriage, Leo. It's a partnership.  You divide and conquer. What's your problem?

Leo:  Only you do the dividing, and the conquering.

Piper:  [Scoffs] Ok, look, I did not ask you to give up your powers, if this is what that's all about.

Leo:  No. But I did not give up my powers to be told what to do all the time, you know? Man!

Paige:  Ok, welcome. Welcome to our, uh... lovely home. Please go on through. Go on through. That's right.

Seth:  So what's the catch, huh? We all gonna get threatened this time?

Paige:  Well, only if you steal Piper's candy. Ha ha ha. All right, after you. That's right. Ooh, wait there for me. The house was built in 1898. We're actually the third generation to own it. Although not really headline worthy.

Phoebe:  Paige, what are you doing?

Paige:  Ahh, Phoebe, lovely woman, fascinating life. But since she has a daily column in the paper, there's really not much left to write about , is there? Oop. Smile for the cameras. Ahh... give us a second. What's going on?

Phoebe:  I retook the test. It looks like the first one was wrong.

Paige:  Aw, honey I'm sorry.

Seth:  Now, you talkin' about the case, are you? I mean, you don't care to give us a quote?

Paige:  No. We're actually discussing something private, but I promise, it's not newsworthy. Shall we?

Seth:  Oh...

Piper:  Hey, I did not ask you to be Mr. Mom. You volunteered.

Leo:  Yes, but I did not think that it would become a fulltime job.

Piper:  Oh! And so that's my fault?

Leo:  No, it is not your fault, ok? It just really sucks.

Piper:  Oh, it sucks? What would you like me to do about the fact that your life sucks?!

Paige:  Hello. And for your enjoyment, ladies and gentlemen, a marital spat. I know, really interesting, probably belongs in the Lifestyle section right under the column on stinky diapers.

Piper:  Paige, what are you doing?

Leo:  Well, I am just showing these fine men and women that even though there's nothing to find, they're destroying our lives anyway. So...carry on.

[Door shuts]

Paige:  Aah, here we have my grandma's sewing machine that's broken, and there we have Piper's bicycle, flat tire... um, a bunch of lamps-- Leo needs to fix those-- and oh--oh, yes. A hanging chair.

Seth:  That's cute, Paige, but it's not gonna work. See, the government wouldn't have faked your deaths unless they had a damn good reason, and none of this changes that.

Paige:  Maybe you should just think of all those great big stories you're missing out on while you're wasting time on us. See, we're never gonna talk, so this is all you're gonna get.

Seth:  Let's go.  No story here.

Paige:  Damn it.

Piper:  What did you say to them?

Paige:  It doesn't matter because I'm pretty sure Billie is in trouble, again.

Billie:  Aah! Aah!

The Dogan:  I've come too far, acquired too many powers to let a little witch like you embarrass me. It won't happen again.

Paige:  Hey!

The Dogan:  No-o-o-o!

Piper:  We don't have much time. He's gonna track her here sooner or later.

Phoebe:  Hey, is the press still outside?

Piper:  I don't know. I'm afraid to look.

Paige:  Did you use, um, mandrake root or mustard seed?

Bilie:  Mandrake root.

Phoebe:  Now, why didn't you tell us what you were doing?  How come you hid it from us?

Billie:  Because I thought I could handle it. I didn't want you guys to give up on me.

Piper:  Now, why you think that?

Billie:  Well, I overheard you and Piper talking yesterday about how you didn't think I could handle all this, and I just didn't want it to be true.

Paige:  Why did you think erasing bad memories could help you vanquish the demon?

Billie:  I don't know. All I know is it didn't work.

Phoebe:  Magic can't erase fears. They're part of what makes us what we are, and the only way to overcome them is to actually face them.

Billie:  I don't want face this one.

Piper:  Face what?

Billie:  The night my sister was taken. My mom was putting us both to bed, and it was raining outside.

Christy:  Boo!

Billie:  Christy, I'm telling Mom!

Christy:  Big scaredy-cat.

Christy: No! No! No! Aa-a-aah!

Billie:  That was the last me I ever saw her.

Phoebe:  So you have faced this demon before.

Billie:   No, I haven't. The Dogan is different. I know that now, but he just reminded me of the one that took Christy.

Piper:  What did your parents do?

Billie:  Nothing. I was never allowed to talk about it. They just told me an evil man kidnapped her.

Phoebe:  They didn't tell you it was a demon?

Billie:  They didn't know anything about demons. They just thought I saw a monster under the bed or something like that. They thought I made the whole thing up.

Paige:  And now you know you didn't.

[Billie gasps]

The Dogan:  Move and she dies.

Billie:  [Whispers] Don't worry.

Paige:  Ok, what now?

Phoebe:  We trust her.

The Dogan:  I should've known you were working for the Charmed Ones. It explains the hubris.

Billie:  Actually, it seems I've mistaken you for somebody else.

The Dogan:  Really? Who?

Billie:  Ahh...

The Dogan:  "ahh"?

Billie:  Uhh!

The Dogan:  Ohh!

[Knock on door]

Dex:  Hey.

Phoebe:  Trick-or-treat.

Dex:  Let me guess. You're a witch.

Phoebe:  Always.  [Sighs] Can we talk?

Dex:  Ah, sure.   It's not gonna work out, is it?

Phoebe:  I don't know. I mean, we've just-- we've been through so much, you know, so fast... too fast.

Dex:  Maybe we need to take things slower. Of course, uh, considering we've already been married and divorced, it's not gonna be easy.

Phoebe:  It's true.

Dex:  Regardless.. I don't like where things sit.

Phoebe:  I don't either.  Uh...I thought I was pregnant and I didn't know how to tell you.

Dex:  Are you?

Phoebe:  No, I'm not, but I thought I was.  And it scared the hell out of me.  Not because I didn't want to be.  I did, but I.. eh...

Dex:  It's too fast.

Phoebe:  Yeah.

Dex:  What's the point of having premonitions if they don't even work out?

Phoebe:  They always work out. It's just sometime they don't work out the way you thought that they would.

Dex:  So when do we go from here?

Phoebe:  I guess... we just take it slow, you know, and try to figure out how we feel about each other without the magic.

[Doorbell rings]

Children:  Trick-or-treat!

Piper:  Wow! Look at you guys. Are you a pirate? Wow, and a dinosaur, and a very scary ghost.

Paige:  Not as scary as mine was.

Piper:  Uh-uh.

Paige:  Ok, guys, take as much as you want. Oh, careful, careful, careful. Easy now. Easy careful. Oops. Pass it back. There you guys go. Ok, have a great night.

Piper:  It's candy riot.

Paige:  Bye. Be careful.

Piper:  I think we just got robbed.

Paige:  I think so.

Piper:  Oh, my goodness.

Paige:  Hey, um, if you want to go trick-or-treating with Leo and Wyatt, I can watch Chris.

Piper:  Oh, no. That's ok. I think, uh,  Leo and I need some space. Apparently, we're having some issues.

Paige:  I hope it's nothing serious.

Piper:  No. You know, I don't think so. I think just with everything that's been going on, we've taken each other for granted a little bit, and, you know, we'll be fine.

Paige:  I hope so.

Piper:  Yeah, well, now that, you know, all the press is gone and things'll calm down a little bit.

Paige:  Yeah, except for the demons.

Piper:  Buzz kill.

Paige:  What? They know we're back. It's only a matter of time.

Piper:  I know, but, you know, we've got Billie to pick up the slack.  She can do it.

Paige:  Ya think?

Piper:  Yeah.  What do you mean?  She handled The Dogan ok, didn't she?

Paige:  Yeah. I mean, just the whole thing about her discovering that her sister was kidnapped by a demon. I don't know how soon she's gonna get over that one.

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