Christine: I have to say I find this very strange. I always thought Iíd be
the one visiting you in a mental hospital.
Christine: Iím excited about tomorrow. Please tell me we have a shot. I donít
know how much longer I can take it in here.
Alan: We have a shot. Iíll get you out.
Christine: I donít need to hear it, Alan. I need it to happen.
Alan: The board will question you directly. Itís entirely possible theyíll
try to provoke you.
Christine: Make sure Iím bomb proof?
Christine: Itís an expression with horses. To be safe to ride a horse it
needs to be bomb proof. It doesnít spook easily. Canít have one who just flies
Alan: Yes. In addition to not flying off, you need to show contrition. They
like to see that youíre sorry.
Christine: I am. I -- I am so sorry. So deep--deeply ashamed. How do I say it
Alan: Just like that. Christine, you were in love with a man who was unworthy
of you. Who made you doubt everything that you had a right to count on. Who
perhaps even toyed with your sanity.
Christine: Still no excuse for trying to kill him.
Alan: Perhaps he had it coming.
Christine: Perhaps you did.
Paul: Why is it we agreed to bifurcate the trial?
Brad: Thereís been no claim for punitive damages, only compensatory. But our
fear was the jury could be so outraged, they might artificially inflate
compensatories as a de facto puni, so we opted to bifurcate. Separate juries --
one for liability, one for damages. The client concurred.
Alan: Do you do tongue push-ups?
Brad: This is a staff meeting. I encourage all to conduct themselves
professionally, keeping in mind that remarks are tantamount to assertive
Paul: Lansing versus Mahoney.
Brad: Hospital settled out. Deposition of Dr. Mahoney is today. Weíre hoping
to make some movement on that as well.
Paul: Lot of eyes are on us. Weíve got an HMO on the bubble here waiting to
see how this lawsuit is restored. I assume youíve prepared for todayís
Brad: Actually, Dennyís taking it.
Paul: Dennyís taking the deposition?
Paul: Wouldnít it be better to save Denny for trial? Roll out the big gun
Denny: Roll out the big gun now, this wonít be a trial. Move along, Paul.
Paul: In re Christine Pauley.
Alan: Mine. Ex-girlfriend. Tried to kill me.
Paul: This is the commitment proceeding?
Alan: She was committed. This hearing is to secure her release.
Lori: Wait a second. She tried to kill you?
Alan: She did.
Lori: And now she wants out?
Alan: She does.
Lori: And youíre trying to help her get out?
Alan: I am.
Alan: Youíre angry with me.
Sally: Iím just busy. Okay? Iím not gonna even discuss the absurdity of
representing an ex-lover who tried to kill you. But how do you not at least tell
me? That isnít something that I should know?
Alan: I wanted to surprise you with it.
Sally: You think itís funny? You think itís appropriate for me to learn about
it in a staff meeting?
Alan: Forgive me. As you can imagine, I havenít kept up with the
boyfriend/girlfriend regulations. What I can say is sheís a client and a friend
that Iím trying to free from the clutches of an overreaching asylum.
Dr. Gill: You keep calling it an asylum. This is a psychiatric hospital.
Alan: I mean no disrespect, doctor, but the word ďhospitalĒ implies
Dr. Gill: And she has gotten treatment.
Alan: Is she less crazy?
Dr. Gill: Excuse me?
Alan: As a result of your treatment, is she less crazy?
Dr. Gill: Crazy is not a medically recognized term, Mr. Shore. As Iíve just
explained, Christine has what the D.S.M. refers to as intermittent explosive
Alan: Then please tell us. Is she less intermittently explosive?
Dr. Gill: She has improved.
Alan: And to what do you attribute that?
Dr. Gill: Primarily the pharmacological regimen.
Dr. Gill: Twenty-five milligrams each of three different anti-psychotics
administered three times daily.
Alan: Then maybe itís a good thing sheís here. That sounds like a very
complicated protocol to administer on oneís own.
Dr. Gill: Indeed
Alan: How do you know she actually takes these pills?
Dr. Gill: Obviously, we keep very careful records.
Alan: Iím sure you do, but, hypothetically, suppose there was a patient who
felt she didnít belong here. Felt sheíd entered your hospital quite troubled,
but essentially sane, and was being driven insane by this institution? Maybe
sheís a New York University graduate. A respected attorney. A charming,
intelligent, sensitive, funny woman. A fully functional person with the
exception of one incident. So each and every time your orderlies come around
with your 75 milligrams of powerful anti-psychotics for her to swallow, she
hides the tablets under her tongue and saves them day after day. A growing
collection of thoroughly unnecessary medication that her primary psychiatric
caregiver wants to shove down her throat.
Dr. Gill: Are you asking if this hypothetical scenario could happen?
Alan: I am.
Dr. Gill: It could not. We keep very careful records.
Dr. Mahoney: Look, I donít see why I need to be present.
Brad: A part of her emotional distress claim goes to how you informed her of
her husbandís death.
Dr. Mahoney: Iíve been a surgeon for 30 years. If thereís a pleasant way to
tell a family a patient diedÖ.
Denny: Weíll need your response to her account.
Brad: Weíre in Conference Room 1. Weíll be right in.
Kevin: Thank you.
Dr. Mahoney: Why canít I just review the transcript? I really donít want to
sit in that room.
Brad: We donít need you to do or say anything. We just need you to sit there
Paul: Brad? One second please.
Paul: You canít let him first chair this deposition.
Brad: Paul, heís insisting.
Paul: First of all, the case could turn on this proceeding. And second, as I
mentioned, we have several medical corporations, potential clients, taking a key
Denny: Hey, guys. What are we talking about? It looks interesting from afar.
Anything I might enjoy?
Paul: Whatís this case about, Denny? The deposition youíre about to conduct.
Whatís it about again?
Denny: A man died during angioplasty, leaving him dead. Tragic.
Carrie: He even described the procedure as common. So for--
Denny: One of your allegations goes to how Dr. Mahoney informed you of the
Carrie: He just came out and said my husband had a cardiac arrest and was
dead. He just turned and walked away. But he said he was going to talk to me
Denny: Do you make room for the possibility that Dr. Mahoney himself was
devastated at this time?
Carrie: The patient was my husband. Whatever pain he had, I---
Denny: These are difficult questions. Youíre, um, 40 pounds lighter since
before your husbandís death?
Denny: Dating again?
Kevin: Objection. This certainly has no relevance.
Denny: All objections have been waived till the trial. Except for the form of
the questions, sport. This your first deposition?
Kevin: This is not my first deposition.
Denny: Well then play by the rules. Donít make me move for costs, which
sheíll end up paying. In this last year, would you say youíve had more or less
sex since the time of your husbandsí--
Brad: All right. This is a tough deposition for everybody. Letís just try to
get through it. Denny.
Denny: More or less sex this past year?
Carrie: My physical relationship with my husband had waned, partly because of
his heart condition. We remained very much in love.
Denny: And did you go on lots of trips together, you and your husband?
Carrie: Some. He was very busy with work.
Denny: Did he regularly tell you how incredibly--incredibly beautiful you
are? Did you wear this perfume when your husband was alive?
Carrie: I believe I did.
Denny: Thatís magnificent.
Kevin: All right. This deposition is over.
Kevin: Itís over. Come on, Carrie.
Denny: All right. Off to court we go, cub scout.
Kevin: Oh, weíll be going into court all right. Weíre done here.
Dr. Bender: The fact that she was secretly refusing to take her medication
does not persuade us of progress.
Alan: But it does show sheís capable of going six months un-medicated without
Dr. Bender: Mr. Shore, you were her lover.
Alan: Any bias that I might have in favor of Christine would be more than
offset by the fact that she tried to kill me.
Martha: Frankly, weíre insulted by that. It might get you a spot on Good
Morning America, but--
Alan: Iím trying to get her a spot of freedom.
Dr. Bender: Freedom is a privilege, Mr. Shore, not a right.
Alan: A privilege?
Dr. Bender: Yes, and itís revocable. Especially if you try to run someone
over with an automobile.
Alan: Christine Pauley is well. You have an affidavit from three different
independent psychiatrists who evaluated her.
Dr. Bender: And likely made her sign waivers as soon as you paid them.
Alan: The only reason youíre holding her is youíre afraid of being sued
should she do something.
Dr. Bender: Weíre afraid sheíll hurt herself or someone else, you cynical
snot! Is liability to the hospital a factor? Yes. We canít treat patients out of
Alan: I hardly see how that makes me a snot. Sheís in here because of one
isolated incident sheís not likely to repeat.
Dr. Bender: Oh, you can gaze into some crystal ball--
Alan: I can gaze into her. I saw the look in her eyes the day she was brought
here. I saw the look in her eyes which led to her being brought here. She had
that look then. She does not have it now.
Martha: Who would be this womanís guardian? Why is no one here to present--
Alan: Her parents would serve as guardians. Youíll find their affidavit--
Martha: They live in Illinois.
Alan: Where Christine would be going upon release.
Martha: And until she gets to Illinois?
Alan: Until then, I will be her guardian.
Dr. Bender: Miss Pauley?
Christine: Well, at the risk of also sounding biased, I agree with him. This
is not a parole board. This is not a prison. As you say Dr. Gill, this is a
hospital. And when patients are healed, theyíre let out of hospitals.
Lori: Coffee not good?
Sally: Oh, no. I was just thinking about something.
Lori: Yeah, I do that. Thinking about what?
Sally: Itís kind of private.
Lori: You know, Iíd stake out a little distance from that Shore guy, Sally.
He tends to leave peopleís minds a little worse off than he finds them. His old
girlfriend, case in point.
Alan: You two discussing cases? I wasnít aware you provided emotional counsel
as well as legal Lori. Thatís quite a perk.
Lori: A woman tries to kill you. You go to represent her. You donít think
thereís a pathology at play here? I refer to yours.
Alan: I got the reference. Thank you. Speaking as an enormously unlikeable
person, I find it difficult to maintain grudges against all those who wanna kill
me. Donít you? Yes, youíll perhaps find that witty comeback in your office.
Brad: Heís got a motion for costs. For sanctions. Heís ordered a transcript
so he can read back to the judge what you said today.
Denny: Good. Then I wonít have to bother trying to remember.
Brad: Damn it, Denny. Youíre way out of line. This woman has just lost a
husband. Youíre asking her questions about her sex life, her perfume.
Denny: I know what Iím doing.
Brad: Which is?
Denny: Itíll come to me.
Brad: That lawyer is going to pick you apart in open court tomorrow.
Denny: Let him try. Denny Crane.
Brad: Listen to me. Do you know why I was brought here? The firm thinks that
you are becoming a liability. They wanted me to control you.
Denny: Who thinks Iím a liability?
Brad: It doesnít matter.
Brad: Denny, where you were once something to aspire to, youíre now becoming
something to parody. You walk around saying ďDenny Crane. Denny Crane,Ē like
itís supposed to intimidate or conjure up awe. Youíre a complete joke. If that
gets me fired, so be it. Iím saying it just the same. You know why? ĎCause I
love you. I adore you. But it hurts to see you deteriorating into a--
Denny: Get the hell out of my office.
Christine: You didnít have to get me a hotel room.
Alan: I didnít. Youíre staying in my place.
Christine: I beg your pardon?
Alan: I wonít get fresh.
Christine: You live in a hotel?
Alan: I do.
Christine: What happened to your big grotesque house with your more grotesque
swimming pool and your even more grotesque rumpus room?
Alan: I sold it. I require a lot of fresh towels and nightly turndown
Christine: Why would you live in a ho---. Oh, I see. The comfort of being
able to check out on a whim. You know, as much as you explained it, youíve never
really explained it.
Alan: I demand only one thing in a relationship, Christine. That I remain
Christine: Nice out, Alan.
Alan: Iím sorry?
Christine: Even in conversation, you always have a nice out.
Brad: I did my best to control him.
Paul: And the other attorney has brought a motion for sanctions?
Brad: Which he wants to argue himself.
Walter: My God.
Paul: We count on you to help prevent these kinds of situations, Brad.
Brad: Paul, Iím a relatively junior partner. What exactly do you expect me to
Walter: If that man gets up in open court--
Lori: Excuse me. The man can still handle himself in court.
Paul: Oh, please. The only possible good that could come form his-- is he
adamant about arguing this himself?
Brad: Iím afraid so.
Paul: Well. I guess we canít say no. His name still is first on the
letterhead. Let him argue.
Alan: Weíre up early.
Christine: Iíve been up since 6:00, actually. Iíve been waiting for you to
get up so I could say good-bye. Thereís a cab outside waiting.
Alan: I thought your flightís at 11:00.
Christine: Iím going to the airport early. Ridge upped the security to level
Alan: Let me drive you.
Christine: No. I-- Iíd prefer to--. Thank you. For getting me out. For
forgiving me. Well, thatís it, creep.
Christine: Better go.
Alan: Call me when you land.
Brad: I just think I should argue.
Denny: Why? So you can control me? Nobody controls me.
Brad: Denny, youíre the subject of the hearing. Iím certainly gonna have more
Denny: Iíll argue the motion. When Denny Crane gets attacked, he stands up
for himself. I donít need you or anybody else controlling or protecting me.
Brad: Youíre not going to court in this state.
Denny: Brad, you can join me or not. Your choice.
Lori: Whatís going on?
Brad: He still plans to argue it himself.
Lori: The partners said let him.
Brad: I know. But I thought--
Lori: You know why theyíre saying ĎLet him.í? A public debacle on record is
just what they need to convince the full partnership in January to broom him.
Lori: Yeah. They want him to self-destruct, Brad. They obviously think losing
a few clients is worth losing him. You cannot let him argue this motion.
Sally: Youíre her guardian, and she slept in your hotel room last night.
Alan: You see, you get upset when I donít tell you these things. But then,
when I do-- Sheís gone to Chicago. Itís --
Sally: Itís not about her.
Sally: Itís, itís us. Is there an us?
Alan: Sally, I know this seems difficult. You know what? Can we go shopping
for shoes? Or a new dress? Something revealing for the office party. Soft, but
Alan: What are you doing here?
Christine: My flight was canceled. I thought you might feel like an early
Alan: Christine Pauley, Sally Heep.
Christine: Hi. Itís nice to meet you.
Alan: Your flight was canceled?
Christine: Iím rescheduled at 4:30. This is why Iíve refused to fly for the
last two years. That, and Iíve been locked up. So can I steal you for lunch?
Alan: Actually, no. We were just about to go on--
Sally: Itís okay, really.
Christine: Very nice to meet you. Maybe I shouldnít have come. Truth is, you
werenít my first choice for lunch. I called a few friends. Everybody seems to
need a little distance. It was all like, ďOh, Christine. How nice to hear from
Alan: Youíre smart enough to expect that.
Christine: Never got it from you. Are you and Sally --
Alan: Weíre seeing each other.
Christine: Oh. She seemed nice.
Alan: She is.
Christine: Certainly attractive.
Alan: Thereís that.
Christine: Well. Itíll be easier when I get to Chicago. Easier to start over
there, I think.
Alan: I agree.
Christine: Yeah. So. Lunch?
Alan: On your next visit.
Christine: Well. Goodbye. Again. Uh--
Alan: Good-bye Christine.
Brad: Denny, listen to me. Some of the partners are coming down to watch the
motion and not in support. Theyíre hoping you crash in there. Theyíre hoping to
get some leverage to be able to say at the partnership meeting ďitís time to
take Denny Crane out of the game.Ē
Denny: What game?
Kevin: I donít know if he was trying to humiliate her or hit on her. It
wasnít clear. What was clear was the indecency of it. This is what lawyering has
degenerated to. Carrie Lansing lost her husband. Heís probing her about her sex
life. It was a blatant abuse of our process. It was an embarrassment to the
integrity of our profession. This attorney should be sanctioned severely, your
honor. A message has to be sent to the bar, that our bar is raised higher than
an episode of reality television. Denny Crane demeaned Carrie Lansing. He
demeaned our court system, and he should be dealt with.
Judge Baker: Mr. Crane?
Brad: Denny, I have a good feel for this. Can I take it?
Denny: Iíll take it. This is, um, pretty powerful stuff. I can see Mr.
Ripleyís a very powerful man. And thatís a big thing with lawyers, isnít it?
Power. Fear of feeling weak. Iíve seen it before. Attorneys coming up against
Denny Crane. They jump and stomp and shake their fists and bellow with
impassioned rage. It makes quite a demonstration, doesnít it? When you cut
through the merits, this lady has alleged, in her complaint, loss of consortium.
Legal terms meaning sex and affection, and if sheís enjoying sex and affection,
itís relevant. Itís a mitigating factor. Iím entitled to explore it. Mr. Ripley
may not like it, but itís legitimate and, I may add, that I conducted my probe
in the relative privacy of a closed conference room. Mr. Powerful Man made it
much more public with his impassioned chest-thumping in a courtroom.
Kevin: I object to this.
Denny: Oh, go ahead and pound the table. Iíll tell you what I object to. We
have an offer on the table you so love to pound. An offer I canít discuss
because the settlement talks have been sealed. Suffice it to say itís on the
high side, the extreme high side, considering the fact that liability is not
certain. Mr. Lansing had a preexisting heart condition, but instead of taking
the offer, powerful guys like Mr. Ripley want to go to trial. Why? Because Iím
the opponent. Itís a coup to beat the big guy. Well, what if you donít? You
demean the profession, Mr. Powerful Guy. Youíre using your client to get a
notch. Youíre making Carrie Lansing go through the ordeal of a trial for your
Denny: A trial you may lose, in which case she gets nothing!
Denny: Oh, but if youíre loud enough--
Denny: Forceful enough and strong enough, she may never realize that you blew
Alan: Funny. Youíd like me to feel threatened, wouldnít you? I may not be
able to talk as fast, but my tongue is certainly more versatile. You disapprove
of me. That warms my cockles. Iím afraid somethingís come up.
Sally: Oh, donít tell me--
Alan: Her flight left an hour ago. Sheís gone. So. Shopping. Maybe not shoes.
But somethingÖ.slippery to perhaps slide out of later.
Sally: Iím not that easy.
Alan: Well, I am.
Sally: Do you feel responsible for her being in there?
Alan: I certainly was a precipitating factor.
Sally: Is she well now?
Alan: I think so. But perhaps Iím inclined to believe that. You might come to
value my latitude on these matters a little more fully on the day you try to
Sally: I miss you. I have a friend who has this amazing house in Vermont.
Maybe for Columbus weekend we could sneak up there.
Alan: I love Vermont. Would you allow me to cover your body in maple syrup?
Tara: Where does she stay?
Alan: I have no idea. I wouldnít even know where to go look for her.
Tara: Well, she clearly knows where to look for you. Alan, she is stalking
Alan: Sheís not--
Tara: Crazy? She tried to kill you. She was institutionalized. Now sheís out,
and sheís stalking you. You said that you were her legal guardian.
Alan: Thatís a technicality.
Tara: Well, you may have certain rights to have her recommitted.
Alan: She hasnít done anything to warrant that.
Tara: At the very least you could get a restraining order.
Alan: Thereís nothing to warrant that either.
Tara: Do you really want to wait till there is?
Paul: Brad. You hear? He won the motion and settled the case.
Brad: You must be disappointed. I know what you were hoping for, Paul.
Paul: Let me tell you something, my friend. I have loved and admired Denny
Crane a lot longer than you have. We all want him to be great.
Brad: If you loved him, you wouldnít have wanted his demise to be public.
Denny: Hey. The plaintiff lost his motion for sanctions. Accepted our offer.
The case is over. Settled. Done.
Brad: I heard. Denny, you did an incredible job. I think you turned his own
client against him in there.
Denny: Is that what you think? Am I now to put stock in what you think?
Brad: Denny, I just came here to congratulate you.
Denny: I donít need your praise. Hmm, hardware, trunks full of praise.
Denny: I want your respect! Iím senior partner. Respect goes with the job.
Not to mention Iíve earned it. Iíve earned it. Donít you think I feel the wagons
Alan: Now comes the plaintiff here and after the alleges and charges as
follows -- Count one. On September 11 in the year of our --
[knock on door]
Christine: Iím so, so sorry. I came to see you last night --
Alan: Why did you not go to Chicago?
Christine: I decided to collect a few letters of recommendation before I
leave. If Iím going to try --
Alan: You could do that by phone.
Christine: I could, and I plan to. But Bernie Levinson, senior partner at my
old firm, insists on meeting me in person. Evidently, he wants to be sure Iím
not nuts. So Iím seeing you at 2:00. I fly out at 6:00.
Alan: All right. So whyíd you come to find me last night?
Christine: You werenít picking up your cell, and--Alan, Iím so sorry. I had
no idea you were on a date. I shouldnít have come at all. I realized that and I
left as soon as I saw the expression on your face. And--I truly, truly
Alan: I have to be honest, Christine. It scared the hell out of me.
Christine: Believe me. If I had thought for a second that you were on a
date--Sally--is it, is it serious?
Alan: I really donít want to talk about it.
Christine: May I ask why not? Weíre friends, are we not? Good friends. Itís
only natural for us to discuss our lives with each other.
Alan: I really donít want to talk about it.
Christine: Are you embarrassed? Is this just some young thing you like to
screw? Dinner and a quickie? Something casual? Iím sorry. That was
inappropriate. I--Maybe I still do get pangs. Anyway. I again apologize for just
showing up last night. I think I will leave before this gets awkward.
Sally: Why donít we rent a nice restaurant for these things?
Tara: Because itís all about impressing the clients. They like to know that
inflated fees buy fancy offices.
Brad: Hey, how ya doing?
Alan: Brad, just talking about you. Okay, we werenít.
Brad: Sally, will you dance with me?
Sally: Well, I---
Brad: Oh, thatís right, youíre with Big Al. Tara?
Tara: Iíd love to.
Brad: They make a lovely couple and heís got a nice, tight ass. Donít you
Sally: You think?
[cell phone rings]
Alan: Oh Christine?
Christine: Somethingís come up. Nothing bad. Itís great, actually. But I
think I better discuss it with you in person. Can I steal two minutes?
Alan: Iím at an office party. Can you tell me about it over the phone?
Christine: Iíd really prefer to do it in person.
Paul: Congratulations. Denny, I---
Denny: I accept your congratulations. Donít linger like weíre friends.
Paul: We used to be friends. We used to sit out on balconies at night as kids
and criticize each otherís openings and closings. Remember those days, Denny?
When we were open to each otherís criticism and candor?
Denny: ďOpenĒ was a funny choice of word. You an ďout in the openĒ sort of
Paul: You know exactly what sort of fellow I am.
Denny: Iím still a good lawyer.
Paul: Yes. You are. You remember Muhammad Aliís last fight? We had ringside
seats. He lost so pathetically to Larry Holmes. We were so crushed. The tragedy
that night, Denny, wasnít that he couldnít still box. He could. The tragedy was
that he still thought he was Ali. Youíre a good lawyer, my friend. Youíre just
not Denny Crane.
Alan: Hanging out with all your friends?
Lori: Whoever designed womenís shoes---
Alan: May I? Nothing personal. Itís a fetish.
Lori: Your fingers are so--
Alan: Yes, thank you. My uncle was a butcher.
Lori: Donít you think Sally might object to this?
Alan: Weíre non-exclusive when it comes to feet.
Alan: Oh dear. You have a bunion.
Lori: Did you come in here for something?
Alan: Why are you counseling Sally to distance herself from me?
Lori: There are ďhappily ever afterĒ guys and there are guys who leave girls
in a heap, and I can tell the difference.
Alan: You speak from personal experience?
Lori: Thatís private.
Alan: Then perhaps I should get to know you better and ask again. And Iíd
love to. But right now Iím going to go dance with Sally.
Sally: This is nice.
Alan: I know a cozy little photocopy machine we could adjourn to.
Sally: Youíre expecting a visitor, remember?
Alan: She said it would take two minutes.
Sally: Sheís beautiful.
Alan: Excuse me?
Sally: Sheís here, and sheís beautiful.
Alan: Time me. Two minutes.
Alan: Christine, you look stunning.
Christine: Well, I knew you were having a fancy party. I didnít wanna appear
conspicuous, so I threw something on.
Alan: I see. And what did you want to talk about?
Christine: Well, can we go to your office?
Alan: I prefer not.
Christine: Well, being that I just showed up at your date the other night, I
didnít want you to think I was following you. You know I wouldnít do that.
Alan: What have you come to talk about Christine?
Christine: My meeting with Bernie Levinson went incredibly well, and, well,
heís rehired me. I can start as soon as Monday. Can you believe it?
Alan: What about Chicago?
Christine: I think I have a better chance at achieving normalcy in Boston. I
called Dr. Gill. He agreed. The less change, the better. I can see him as an
Alan: Your guardians, your parents are in Illinois.
Christine: I was released to you in Massachusetts. I was afraid youíd freak
if I told you this on the phone or if you just ran into me at the courthouse.
This is why I wanted to give you the news in person.
Christine: Itís truly fantastic news. Isnít it? Alan? I got my old job back.
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