'Head Cases' episode 1.1 of "Boston Legal" From The TV MegaSite
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Head Cases
Season 1 Episode 1

Original airdate 10/3/04


Written by Boo
Pictures by Boo

We open in the board room with all the associates from several offices are waiting for the meeting to begin.  Alan comes in with his newspaper and pushes a bunch of papers down two seats before sitting down in the chair where they had previously been.  Brad is at the coffee bar and turns to see this happen.  He walks over to Alan and introduces himself, telling Alan that he believes Alan is sitting in his chair.  Alan admits that there had been some papers there that he moved to a less desirable place.  Tara and Sarah both watch the conversation with a bit of interest.  Brad finally smiles and goes to the chair where his papers are.  Denny is going around the room introducing himself to associates that it is clear he should know.  Partners from London and Tokyo are both on video screens to take part in the meeting.  After greeting Brad, Denny calls the meeting to order.  Item number one doesn't seem to be important to Denny and he tries to pass it over.  Nigel, the associate from London, tells Denny that it is indeed very important.  Denny asks Nigel to brief them all on it and then promptly hits the mute button.  Nigel is not aware that he has been muted and continues to talk.  Denny moves on to the second item and is told by Jerry that the courts have ordered them to turn over all the evidence they have on the Beckerman case.  Denny asks if that is the same evidence they burned before the court order.  Sam tells him that no evidence was burned.  Denny tells him to burn it today, he then clicks the mute off, tells Nigel to continue then mutes him again.  Sam objects that this is no way to run a meeting and asks where Edwin in.  Edwin enters and apologizes for being late.  As he walks around the table, everyone in the room gasps and follows his progress, including the two associates on the video screens. 

As he comes to the head of the table, next to Alan, the camera spans down so that we see he has no pants on.  Alan promptly asks if it is 'Casual Monday'.  A concerned Denny asks if Edwin is okay.  Edwin tells him everything is 'hunky dory'.

E.M.T.s have been called in to take Edwin to the hospital.  Everyone is dispersing from the meeting and standing around talking about what just happened.  As they wheel Edwin out, he yells for Tara who rushes to his side.  He asks her to call and explain to all that need to know, then asks him to call his wife and inform her that he has had a small breakdown and not to worry.  He starts to get upset remembering that he has a court appearance later in the day.  Denny calms him and tells him not to worry, they will cover for him.  After the E.M.T.s wheel him away, Denny tells Tara to demagnetize his parking garage badge.  Denny knows when a man has gone over the edge.  He asks her if she can handle Edwin's cases without him.  She isn't sure.  Denny asks what judge is handling the case.  When he hears that it is 'Resnick', he comments that Resnick is a schmuck.  He sees Alan walking by and asks Alan to help Tara with the case and to try to get a continuance.

Paul walks by Brad in another part of the hallway and asks him for a word.  Brad tells him that he has to catch a red-eye back to DC soon.  Paul tells him to catch a later flight.  He wants Brad to stay in Boston, saying that since Edwin is out of commission for a while, they need Brad to control Denny.  Brad isn't sure he wants to come back to Boston.  As Lori walks by, Paul tells her that he sent Ernie Dell to her office.  She asks why her office and Paul tells her that it is either her or Denny that will have to deal with Ernie, and no-one wants it to be Denny.  It is clear that everyone in the office tries to steer clear of Denny Crane, thinking he is losing his mind or something.  Beah approaches the attorneys with little Sarah in tow.  She announces that she needs an attorney to sue the national tour of Annie because they passed her daughter over because she is black.  She wants justice against discrimination. 

Sally joins Alan in his office and they discuss what a spectacle Edwin made of himself for a bit before Brad enters.  Brad explains that he thinks the two of them got off to a bad start and since he is considering staying in Boston, he would like to meet things head on.  Alan is amazed at how fast Brad talks and tells him that he doesn't talk that fast, he is not a 'head on' kind of guy but informs him that he likes his 'Aqua Velva' ads.  Brad is a bit put off, but tells Alan that there is a client in the conference room that he would like Alan to handle, reminding him that he out ranks Alan.  The two bristle like fighting cocks, but Sally steps in between the two and diffuses the situation.

In the conference room, Beah tries to get Sarah to practice singing.  Sarah doesn't want to, but gives in to her mothers demands and starts to sing.  Alan enters and hears the little girl's magnificent voice and is a bit stunned.  Beah informs him that she has proof that her little girl was the best one at the audition.  She got a hold of the producers personal notes from Annie and hands them to Alan.  He tells her that there has been a mistake, he doesn't do musical comedies.  Beah informs him that it is a classic drama.

Sharon enters the lobby and demands to know where Edwin Poole is from the receptionist.  The receptionist tells her that Edwin isn't in and asks if anyone else can help her.  Sharon is very upset that Edwin missed a court session in her custody trial this morning.  Sally is walking by and asks if she can help.  Sharon tells her that she must see Edwin and explains the situation.  Brad comes over and offers his assistance, asking Sharon to take a seat in the conference room and he will bring her some water.  Sharon heads off to the conference room, while Sally tells Brad that she was handling the situation.  Brad says he is just trying to help.  The two continue to argue a bit about whether Sally wanted or needed Brad's help.  Alan stands by the receptionist desk and watches the exchange for a short bit.  Suddenly he understands and announces to all within hearing distance that Brad and Sally have had sex.  He is very pleased with himself that he figured that out, while Sally is embarrassed and Brad just looks a bit annoyed.

In Lori's office, Ernie is reluctant to talk to her about why he is upset.  He would rather talk to Denny.  Lori reminds him that he has done business with her for a long time also and she can't help him if he won't talk to her now.  Ernie resigns and admits that his wife is having an affair, and has been since they were first married.  Lori is a bit confused as to why he is so upset.  He has only been married for five months and has had five other marriages dissolved.  Ernie tells her that this one was the 'real thing' he thought.  He wants to hire a private detective.  Lori tries to clarify why he wants to do this, does he want to try to get her back.  Ernie dejectedly tells her that he wants the pictures to use as leverage for an annulment.

In Alan's office, Beah explains to Alan again why she wants to go after the production company.  Alan tells her that he isn't sure they have a case.  Beah says that she has tried to teach her daughter that you get to keep what you earn.  She feels Sarah has earned this.  She tells him that they knew they were going to go white, so they should never have let Sarah try out and get her hopes up.  She feels that they only allowed Sarah to try out to show the public that they are 'equal opportunity' employers and that they are diversified.  They want it both ways and because of that, her daughter got hurt.  Beah's words seem to get to Alan as he looks tenderly at Sarah and the two of them share huge smiles.

In the conference room, Sharon explains to Brad and Sally the agreement that she had with her husband.  She would work to put him through law school, after which he would work while she went to med school.  Two weeks after he graduated, he got a good job, two weeks after that he left her.  Their twin boys were four then.  She shows them a picture of the twins now.  They are eight now.  Sally asks if her ex did pay for her medical schooling.  She says no, but she isn't worried about that now.  She has been offered a position in New York, but her ex won't let her take the twins out of state.  He doesn't even know his kids, he is doing this to spite her.  Brad tells her that they will get another court date and she will have to be patient.  She explains that if she doesn't report to the new job in New York on Monday morning, the job will go to someone else.

In Denny's office, Lori tells Denny that Ernie wants to hire a private detective.  Denny tells her that it is not ethical because they represent the wife too.  Lori explains that they could send her a letter of withdrawal.  Denny is adamant that they not do this.  Lori reminds him that Ernie is their most important client and doesn't understand the harm in doing as he has asked.  Finally, Denny admits that the reason he doesn't want to hire a private eye is because he is the one sleeping with Ernie's wife.

In the file room, Lori and Paul discuss Denny's affair with their clients wife.  Paul tells Lori to convince Ernie not to hire the private eye.  He tells her it is her job to handle Ernie.  He will handle Denny.

Lori finds Tara on her way to her own office and stops her.  She tells her that she needs Tara to flirt with Ernie.  Tara doesn't understand why Lori can't do it.  Lori explains that men hit on her from time to time, but Tara is really 'hot'.  She is 'nasty hot'.  The kind of hot that makes men forget about their wives.  Tara starts to object, but Lori pulls rank on her and tells her that she can file sexual harassment suits tomorrow if she wants, but right now she needs to meet with Ernie.

With Sarah and Beah sitting on the couch, Alan stops Brad in the hallway and informs him that Beah can't pay for the their services and he is sure the partners will be okay with that when they learn that Brad recommended the case.  Brad offers to pay for the defense, but then challenges Alan to a wager.  If Alan wins, Brad will pay for the defense.  If Alan loses, Alan pays for it.  Alan accepts the wager saying that if he loses. he will pay double.

Brad and Sally rejoin Sharon in the conference room to give her good news.  They have convinced the judge of a new hearing date, but they do not think they can win.  The good thing about this is it allows them to get her husband at a negotiation table.  Sharon is upset.  They don't seem to understand, her ex doesn't want to negotiate.  He just wants to be cruel to her.  Brad assures her that he has worked with ex-husbands before.  Sharon tells him that he has never worked with her ex.

In Judge Sharpley's courtroom, Mr. Smith argues that his client has every right not to cast a child that looks nothing like 'Little Orphan Annie'.  Alan comments that he wasn't aware that it was okay to do racial profiling to cast a part.  Mr. smith reminds the judge that these are private investigators.  The judge asks how the story would change if a black child played the part.  Mr. Smith can't believe she asked that question.  The judge points out that Annie is an orphan, Daddy Warbucks is not the biological father.  Again, she asks how the story would change, saying also that she wants to see the girl that got the part.  She wants to compare the talents of the two little girls.  Mr. Smith tries to object that it would be unfair to the other girl.  The judge tells him that if the little girl can sing in front of 3000 plus people, 8 nights a week, she can most certainly sing for the judge.  Alan looks at the judge with a bit of new found respect.

Back in Lori's office, she again tries to dissuade Ernie from hiring a private eye.  When Ernie still will not budge, she gives Tara a look that says 'flirt with him now'.  Tara reluctantly begins flirting openly with Ernie and tells him that she thinks other women look to him for the power that he has, not necessarily his money.  She hints that maybe he should look at this as an opportunity, and implies that she might be willing to take the wife's place.

With a sense of determination Paul enters Denny's office.  He informs Denny that he is well aware that Denny helped to build this company but he wants to make it clear that the other partners including himself will not allow Denny to destroy the company with his 'buffoonery'. Denny is shocked that he being spoken to in that manner.  Paul tells him that having an affair with one of their biggest clients wives is not acceptable.  Denny merely tells him that they have other clients also.  Paul tells him none as influential as Ernie, but Denny has made a good point.  Everyone is replaceable.  The remark hits home and makes Denny think.  As Paul is leaving the office, Ernie enters and demands that Denny hire a private detective.

Denny and Alan sit at a table at the Buddha bar.  Alan tells Denny that he normally considers himself a 'nut', but at this firm he feels sane.  Denny laughs and asks if Alan thinks he is nuts.  Alan asks if Denny is afraid.  Denny doesn't know what there is to be afraid of.  Alan comments that a good friend of Denny's. Edwin Poole, just took a dive off the deep end this morning.  Denny says that Edwin made the mistake of asking the question 'what's the point'.  Denny says that is a mistake, you should never ask yourself what the point is.  He asks if Alan is going to win his case with the fat little black girl that is trying to play the part of a skinny white one.  Alan tells him he doesn't think he is going to win.  He doesn't like loosing and especially not when there is a wager going on.  Denny tells him to pull a rabbit out of the hat.  That is the secret to trial law and to life.  Rabbits.

Tara stands at the reception desk when a man comes in and tells her that he is looking for, as Tara turns to face him he changes what he was going to say, now saying that he has been looking for her all his life.  He introduces himself as Matthew.  Tara introduces herself as Alan comes up behind them and introduces himself also.  Matthew tells Tara that he married a woman that looked like her once, and now his wife looks like Alan.  He wonders off to find his attorney.

In the conference room, Matthew and his attorney sit across the table from Sally, Sharon, and Brad.  The discussion does not go well.  Brad asks if there is any scenario that would be acceptable to Matthew that would allow Sharon to accept the position in New York.  Matthew tells them that he would settle if she took one of the twins and he took the other.  Sharon tells him that is totally unacceptable.  The two exchange words heatedly with Matthew being clearly shown as a total jerk.  No settlement is reached.

Ernie catches Denny and Jerry walking down the hall and demands to know if a private eye has been hired.  He threatens to leave the firm if his wishes are not met.  Jerry tries to intervene but Ernie makes it clear he is addressing Denny only.  Denny tells Ernie it is time for some truth and ushers him into Denny's office.  Denny gives him a bit of a lecture about not really caring who his wife has been sleeping with.  Ernie is 76 years old and is confusing youth with relevance.  Denny tells him that it is his ego making him act like this.  The confrontation ends when Ernie starts to take a swing at Denny, with Denny telling him to go ahead and hit him if it will make him feel better.  Ernie thinks again and storms out of the office.

Brad and Matthew's attorney both try to argue their case in front of Judge Hernandez.  The judge shows no sympathy for either side.  She thinks Matthew is a horrible father and Sharon just has to make sacrifices for her children.  She rules that Sharon must find work within the state so as not to have to move to New York.  She asks Brad what they will do now.  Brad has no idea.  Matthew approaches and pretends to wipe a tear from his eye sarcastically commenting that today didn't go well.

Back in Judge Sharpley's court, Sarah sings her little heart out for the judge.  She sings 'tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow, you're always a day away.  Alan mouths the words along with her and beams with pride.  The whole court room erupts in applause.  The judge is impressed but says the other little girl was quite good too.  It looks as though she is going to rule against Sarah when Alan reminds her that there is something called a 14th amendment that he thinks is required reading for judges.  Just then the Rev. Al Sharpton bursts through the courtroom doors demanding to be heard.  The whole courtroom is surprised to see him there.  The judge tries to tell him that he has no standing in her courtroom but Rev. Sharpton speaks over her.  He launches into an impassioned speech like only Al Sharpton can.  He uses the word of the song that Sarah sang to make a point.  When he is finished the courtroom again erupts in applause with a standing ovation.  Al turns to Alan and quietly says to Alan, 'that's what you call a rabbit, son.  Denny Crane'.  He then makes as dramatic of an exit as his entrance, leaving Alan standing with a huge grin on his face and the judge still looking stunned.

Sally and Brad walk down the hall discussing Sharon's case.  Sally suggests a motion that they can try filing, and although Brad doesn't think it will work, he likes the way she thinks.  They stare at each other meaningly for a few seconds before Sally pulls Brad to the side.  She tells him that she just needs to know.  She begs with her eyes for him to explain why he ended things with her.  When it becomes obvious that he has nothing to say on the subject she leaves, very upset.  She passes Alan as she goes.  He realizes that she is upset and turns to watch her walk away, then turns to realize that Brad is who she was talking to when she got so upset.  Brad and Alan acknowledge each other.

Alan and Sally now share a drink at the Buddha bar.  She tells him about her case and what a jerk Matthew is using his children to get back at Sharon.  Alan asks if that is what she was really upset about.  Sally finally admits that it would be easier on her if Brad were still back in Chicago.  Alan asks if she still likes him.  She wonders if he is asking as a boyfriend.  He asks if it is wrong for him to ask questions.  She asks if she can ask him questions about Tara.  He is open to it, but she decides against it.  Just telling him that after Brad left, she drank too much and dated boys too much, until she met this one boy.  Man.  It is clear she is talking about Alan and Alan laughs and puffs up with pride like only men can do.  Sally then sees Matthew come into the bar and openly start to flirt with the women.  She points him out to Alan and asks if they can leave.  Alan grabs her PDA and starts texting a message.  Sally leaves the bar as Alan finishes the message, drops money on the table and follows her out.

On Denny's balcony he tells Lori that he thinks he got through to Ernie with his 'relevance' speech.  Lori asks if Denny has been wondering about his own relevance lately.  Denny tells her not to try to get into his head, there is nothing there.  Lori tries to assure him that the partners will not take the firm from him.  Paul couldn't get the votes if he tried, and besides Paul loves him.  Denny denies being worried.  He tells her to look out at the town.  It is 'his' city, HE is Denny Crane.  He does look worried though and a bit vulnerable.  Lori looks sympathetic.

Alan bullies his way past a very distraught secretary into a meeting at Matthew's place of business.  He introduces himself, expressing disappointment that he didn't break in on anything more tawdry.  He explains to Matthew's colleagues that he and Matthew share a like for exotic women and explicit behavior. 

Matthew quickly escorts Alan to another room and demands to know what is going on.  Alan shoves a file full of pictures in his hands.  He explains that the whore in the pictures with Matthew is a close friend of Alan's.  He also asks if that is powdered sugar that Matthew is snorting off the woman's breast.  Matthew is appalled that a lawyer from a prestigious law firm would stoop this low.  Alan agrees that it is awful, but he will start making copies if Matthew doesn't allow Sharon to take the twins to New York.

Lori approaches Tara in the hall and tries to apologize for asking Tara to flirt with Ernie.  Tara sarcastically tells her that it wasn't a problem, she slept with Ernie last night to 'take one for the team'.  Lori starts to tell her that some things are going on with Denny when Denny walks up and wants to know what things she is talking about.  Before anything else can be said, Ernie walks by and tells Denny that he needs another word with him.

Denny follows Ernie to his office and shuts the door.  Ernie thanks Denny for his advice not to hire a P.I.  He admits that it was good advice because he might find out something that would upset him even more.  He sits down and tells Denny that being the fool that he is, he went ahead and hired a P.I. on his own.  He asks Denny to guess at what he found. 

Denny tries to play it off, but Ernie suddenly pulls a gun on him.  He is very hurt to find out that it was his own attorney, his friend, that was sleeping with his wife.  When Denny doesn't say anything, Ernie demands that the great Denny Crane say something profound now.  Denny thinks before he finally tells Ernie that many of his clients come in there and point guns at him.  He tells all of them to go ahead and shoot.  He explains that as we all get older, we start to slip.  For a legend like himself, the great Denny Crane. that is a terrible thing.  He begs Ernie to pull the trigger and let him go out the legend that he is.  Ernie still intends to shoot him, but asks Denny if he doesn't at least want to apologize.  Denny indeed does want to apologize.  He is sorry that he betrayed his friend.  Denny then reminds Ernie that he bought that gun for Ernie, and also reminds him that it is a starter gun, which will only shoot blanks.  Ernie slumps in the chair and the two friends share a quiet moment.

In the conference room, Alan, Beah, and Sarah sit across from their opponents.  Alan points out that now that the Rev. Al Sharpton has become involved, it can't be good for their side.  Rev. Sharpton is very good at causing controversy and that is never good for any production.  Alan assumes they have come with an offer and wants to hear what it is.  When Mr. Smith doesn't answer right away, Alan asks Sarah to sing again.  When she starts to sing, Mr. Smith suddenly tells them that they are willing to allow her to understudy on the weekends.  Beah adds that they also want three matinees a month.  Mr. Smith quickly agrees.  Alan makes sure Sarah is happy with that and they all reach an agreement.

Brad joins Lori in her office offering her a beer.  Lori has told him about Ernie pulling the gun on Denny, she reports the gun would only shoot blanks and adds that the drama is over.  Brad looks out the window with something clearly on his mind.  Lori asks how he likes being back in the Boston office.  Brad tells her it is okay then wants an honest answer to a question.  He asks if he talks too fast.  Lori tells his that he can be a little 'brisk' at times.  Brad defends himself, speaking very quickly, that he talks fast because they bill their customers by the hour and he thinks it is only right not to waste their time.  Lori sees his point and agrees that he feels ethically bound to talk fast.  Sharon enters and surprises Brad by thanking him for all he has done.  Matthew has agreed to let her take the boys to New York.  She doesn't necessarily agree with his tactics, but she is eternally grateful for what he has done for her and her boys.  Brad and Lori both look a bit confused as to what she is talking about.

THE BALCONY:
Denny sits in the chair, Alan standing at the rail.  Denny asks if Alan remembers 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.  Alan does remember the book.  When Denny doesn't say anything more, Alan asks if there was a point to the question.  Denny comments that once again, Alan is looking for a point.  Brad comes unto the balcony and informs them that Matthew just agreed to let Sharon take the twins to New York.  Alan is happy to hear this.  Brad informs him that he knows that Alan blackmailed the man with pictures of hookers.  Alan comments that Brad says that like it is an unsavory thing.  Brad informs him that he does not like the way Alan practices law, the only reason he doesn't turn Alan into the bar is because then Sharon wouldn't be able to go to New York.  He tells Alan that now, the two of them do have a relationship.  Alan jokes and tells him they will have to get together and do some push ups.  When Denny doesn't say anything, Brad turns and leaves.   Denny laughs and comments that he loves hooker rabbits.  Alan sits and reminds Denny that he never answered his question the other night.  Denny asks what the question was.  Alan asks him again if he is scared.  Denny tells him that the only thing to be afraid of is tomorrow.  He has never been one to live for tomorrow.  Alan thinks for a second, and then raises his glass in a toast.  "Denny Crane, here's to no tomorrows."


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Updated 11/7/07  

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