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Primetime Show Reviews
"The 2004 CMA Awards"
Review by Jenny 11-10-04
Award goes to: The rapping cowboy. I didnít catch his name, but he performed
with Big&Rich. I have to admit he got my attention. I never heard anyone rap to
a country song before. I have to give him originality points.
The least-original-acceptance-speech Award goes to: Martina McBride. How many
awards show acceptance speeches have you heard that start like this: When I was
a small boy/girl in Kansas/Iowa/any other state in the middle of the country, I
had a dream..."
The were-you-blindfolded-when-you-picked-that-outfit? Award goes to: Patty
Loveless. What was that thing? It looked like an oil slick on fabric. With
sequins. After going through a weed whacker.
The sudden-loss-of-fashion-sense Award goes to: Shania Twain. I really liked
that first outfit she wore in her performance. But then she apparently lost her
mind and changed into that yellow number. I never saw anyone pair a tank top
with a big, poufy, Disney Princess-like skirt before. The two styles totally
didn't match. And the intentionally showing bra straps just made the whole thing
even tackier. The total effect was that she looked like a wilted sunflower.
The most-amusing-acceptance-speech Award goes to: Kenny Chesney. I loved it when
he told them to shut the music off because he'd waited ten years and he was
going to be a while. Unfortunately they cut him off anyway.
The time-to-quit-while-you're-ahead-on-the-plastic-surgery Award goes to: Reba
McEntire. What did they do, put elastic on her face to make it stretch? If she
quits now, she'll be ok. But if she has one more facelift, her nose is going to
wind up on top of her head.
The does-he-do-this-to-torture-us? Award goes to: Tim McGraw. Why does he have
to wear so much clothing? It's bad enough he has to wear a shirt. But he has to
wear a jacket on top of it? That's really inconsiderate to all his female fans.
Next year I want to see his impression of that Diet Coke commercial with the
shirtless construction worker.
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