Third season, first episode
"The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby"
Dennis is moved by the horrors revealed in "The Inconvenient Truth". He tries to
lecture his sister and friend on what they should be doing to help save the
environment. Mac disregards Dennis' concerns throwing a soda cup to the ground
in an alley. Dennis picks up the cup to throw away in a dumpster and finds a
baby has been abandoned inside. The three take the baby back to the bar to
figure out what to do with it. Frank and Charlie don't want the baby around
claiming it is bad for business. Mac takes a stand for the baby and claims he is
going to raise it, with the help of Dee. Sweet Dee isn't happy at all that Mac
volunteered her to help in taking care of the infant but agrees to it anyway.
When they get home with the baby, Mac leaves all of the care to Dee. Their
frustrations mount when they realize that raising a baby isn't as fun as they
thought it would be. On their way to ditch the baby again a passer-byer on the
street compliments them on how cute the baby is. The
woman tells them that he looks as though he could be in commercials. Mac and Dee
then decide the baby could come in handy and take the baby to a talent agency.
Unfortunately they are told there isn't a need for white babies, Hispanics are
all the rage right now.
Desperate to break into show business with the baby they take him to a tanning
bed in hopes of making him darker. The tanning bed attendant will not let them
put the baby in the bed which angers Mac and Dee. After they use some choice
language on the overly tanned worker he calls social services on them.
Meanwhile Charlie and Frank find what they believe to be treasure at the
landfill and become obsessed with dumpster diving. They are exhausting
themselves and filling their apartment with worthless trash but they are in love
with their finds. Charlie's coffee shop girlfriend catches
them in the dumpster behind the shop embarrassing Charlie. To prove that he
wasn't dumpster diving like a homeless person Charlie brings in the baby
claiming "look what I found in the dumpster" She too calls social services on
Charlie and Frank.
Since they can't tan the baby and they need him to appear to be Hispanic Dee and
Mac have a few options they are willing to try out. Shoe polish, paint. Dabbing
dark colored substances on the baby's face as he sits in his car seat in the bar
a social worker and police walk in catching
them in the act.
Dennis has been absent from the dumpster treasure find and caring for the baby
because he is trying to get involved with an environmentalist group.
The group thinks he is a joke only forcing him to take his actions to an
extreme. Finally having enough of insults from one particular member. Dennis
sets him up to be chained to a tree the city intends on cutting down. A severe
thunderstorm is rolling into town and Dennis and the guy's
girlfriend are back at Dennis' place having sex. The following morning when the
activist finally leaves the tree believing he saved it. A city worker on a
bulldozer plows it over.
Word gets out that there will be public try outs for the Philadelphia Eagles
just like in the movie "Invincible" Mac and Dennis are amped! They believe, each
have a good chance of making it on the team and as a super star. Really they
both just want the chance to run and play on the official Eagles playing field.
To their surprise Dee feels she should have a shot at trying out and the try
outs won't be held on the prized Eagles field.
Charlie and Frank are also amped up. They are going to go tailgate in support of
their friends and family. Frank has bigger things in mind. He wants to drop
acid. Charlie is against the drugs but is all for relaxing and drinking a few
beer. Even when the tryout location is changed Charlie
and Frank don't sweat it. They make the move and settle in.
To everyone's surprise the McBoyle family makes an appearance. The oversized,
over charged Doyle McBoyle brother of the incestuous brothers from their past
shows up for tryouts. The entire McBoyle family arrive in an outdated RV to lend
their support. Incest and backwoods traditions
run rapid as they make their camp spot next to Charlie and Frank. On the playing
field Dee and Doyle shine as star players while Mac and Dennis struggle to out
do their opponents and each other.
Dee seems to be a superstar until she reveals that she is a woman. Once her
secret is out, of her own doing, she fails and breaks like a little girl.
Frank slips acid in Charlie's beer when he won't agree to drop acid with him.
Charlie begins to see things from another prospective and worries about his fate
in the hands of the McBoyle brothers and family.
For entertainment and drug induced purposes Charlie reverts back to an old high
school prank he used to do. He puts on an entire body, green spandex suit as
"green man" Charlie runs about making a fool of himself in the suit looking like
a faceless alien, while Frank believes he is
locked in the restroom of the McBoyle RV. Come to find out Frank is floundering
in a trash can in the parking lot when he is tripping on acid and believes to be
in the restroom.
Dennis, Mac, or Sweet Dee don't make the team because of their own pettiness and
inability to perform on the feild as a professional. Their childish ways cause
Doyal his chance at the title only infuriating the McBoyle family more.
3_3 "Dennis and Dee's Mom is Dead"
Frank is thrilled to report Barbara (his ex-wife and Dee and Dennis' mom) is
dead. She didn't make it through a botched neck job. Dee and Dennis pretend to
be a little hurt as Frank pops the cork on a bottle of Champagne. The reading of
the will is a surprise turn of events. Frank and Dee are outraged when all of
the money was left to Bruce (Dee and Dennis' real dad) and Dennis is left the
house as long as he does not let Frank in it. Dee receives nothing. The will
specifically states that Dee was a disappointment and a mistake. Dee can't
believe what her own mother had to say, she and Dennis are twins.
Dee and Frank devise a plan to pretend to be engaged and con Bruce out of his
inheritance. Brice sees through their act right away but plays along to teach
them a lesson. Dee claims she and "her finance" want to adopt loads of poor kids
but they don't have the money. Bruce offers a solution on both accounts. He goes
to get a few of his own adopted children and offer them along with the fortune.
Dee and Frank plan to take the kids until they get their hands on the money but
Bruce has another requirement. He wants to watch them make love. Dressed in
robes they sit on the bed unable to go through with having sex in front of Bruce
and with each other. They claim they have been waiting until they get married.
Well, Bruce has more good news, he's an ordained minister too. He can perform
their marriage ceremony.
Dennis, Mac, and Charlie are anxious to put the mansion to work for them, as a
party mansion. When the three realize they don't have any other friends they
decide to make a flyer to solicit friends. Mac creates a flyer in the shape of a
bicep but when turned upside down it looks like a penis and testicles. They try
to pass out the flyers and pick up "dudes" in sporting goods stores only making
themselves look gay. When the flyers don't work Mac manages to find two nerds
from the local college that arrives for a huge party in togas.
The college kids are over whelmed when Mac, Charlie, and Dennis get out of hand
trying to create a legacy for their friends to talk about at their own funerals.
The kids get scarred. Mac and Dennis tie them to chairs keeping them in the
house against their will.
The next day Frank and Dee plan to "marry" on the lawn of the mansion. Mac,
Charlie, and Dennis sit in lawn chairs in the clothes they wore the night before
to witness the nuptials. The college kids are still tied to chairs next to the
gang but manage to free themselves and run for help.
Bruce begins with the vows but can't let himself go through with such a
disgusting act. Bruce scolds all of them, calling them the worst people on the
earth. Dee and Frank realize they aren't getting his money . Dennis gloats that
at least he still has the "party mansion" Bruce has news for his selfish son he
doesn't have the mansion. Dennis got the house as long as Frank wasn't allowed
in it. By allowing Frank to "marry" Dee on the grounds, the mansion goes to
Bruce as well.
Frank had given Charlie his will to hide in the heating unit of the bar but that
was before they knew Dee and Dennis wasn´t Frank´s children. Frank enlists Mac´s
help to locate the will. All they have is a map of gibberish to go by. Frank
climbs into the vents to locate the will hoping for Mac to help direct him to
the hiding place. Mac hears Charlie, Dee and Dennis enter the bar. Shortly after
they arrive for work three masked people enter the bar with guns. The gang is
Shortly it is revealed that the hostiles are the McPoyle brothers and their
mute, deaf sister Margaret. Quickly the gang form alliances that they
immediately break. Each person is out for themselves. Damn the others! Everyone,
including the MCPoyles, strip to their underwear and only a robe. Dennis decides
his only chance is to seduce Margaret.
Mac communicates with Frank, who is still in the vents, hoping to get help. The
standoff finds everyone on the roof. Everyone but Charlie who goes into the vent
system after Frank. A struggle ensues. Frank and Charlie find them selves
working their way out of an air duct and finding themselves face to face with
Dee, Dennis, and Mac who are being held at gunpoint by the MC Poyles. Frank and
Charlie immediately throw their hands in the air as if to surrender when they
see what is going on.
Frank laughs nervously. The nervous laughter is infectious. The gang watches in
odd curiosity as the McPoyles and Frank laugh louder and louder with the passing
seconds. No one really knows what anyone is laughing at. Then Frank pulls his
pistol from behind his back. Firing shot after shot off at the McPoyle brothers
he causes one to go over the ledge. His other brother grabs him just barely by
the hand. As one McPoyle brother barely holds on to the other it looks as if he
saved. Guess again, not if Frank has anything to do with it. Frank appears with
a two by four pressing it to the hanging brother´s face forcing him to lose his
grip. The fall is in slow motion and dramatic as the McPoyle siblings scream for
their fallen brother. The gang gasps and covers their mouths is shock.
Come to find out the fall was only about ten feet. The fallen McPoyle brother
lands on his feet with nothing more than a possible bruise on his heel. The
other brother and sister Margaret climb down a fire ladder and run off with
their brother. The McPoyles laugh and think they have exacted an imaginary
revenge on Frank and the gang. Dee, Dennis, Frank, Charlie, and Mac all watch
the McPoyles run away laughing unsure of what just happened.
Dee and Charlie are shopping in a downtown boutique, Charlie wants to shoplift
because the hems are in such poor repair on the clothing. Dee tries to talk him
out of it but she is taken aback by an old friend from high school. When Dee
wore a back brace and was called The Aluminum Monster she was friends with the
fattest girl in school Ingrid, aka Fatty McGoo. Dee hates herself and Ingrid
when she learns that Ingrid actually owns the successful trendy boutique. Dee is
determined to outdo Fatty McGoo and start her own line of clothes.
Dee wants Charlie’s expertise on sewing but it isn’t long she has problems.
Frank and Mac want in on the action thinking they have hit it big in the garment
industry. Dennis is just determined to stay the cool popular guy he was in high
school. The battle is on.
Dee’s designs suck and look like a kindergartner drew them so she gets no
respect from the gang. Frank, Charlie, and Mac become obsessed with running a
sweatshop. Dennis thinks he can out design Dee and takes his designs to Ingrid.
She hates them and thinks he is an idiot. Dennis thinks he is just so cool and
only remembers her as a nerd so he doesn’t comprehend when she tells him she
isn’t interested. Determined to win fatty McGoo over Dennis lies to Frank and
Mac. He tells them they have an order for 25 dresses. Dennis still doesn’t
manage to sell Ingrid on his designs or him, but when he is caught he lies
again. Mac delivers the original order of 25 and wants to go to the shop. To
keep Mac busy Dennis tells him they need 100 more dresses.
Mac returns to the sweatshop, he and frank turn up the atmosphere getting a
steam whistle and broadcasting communist music and speeches. Charlie falls for
the manipulation and slaves away sewing in severe conditions.
Dee has had enough she goes to Ingrid believing her brother, and accuses her of
buying products made in a sweatshop. Frank and Mac burst in to deny the
accusation. A police officer listens as bewildered as Ingrid, she didn’t order
anything from Dennis. When everyone is yelling accusations at the other in the
presence of the officer Dennis bursts through the door dressed in one of his
dress designs and with make-up on. Everyone throws their hands in the air.
The gang prepares for the biggest night of the year for them. The pub crawl.
They are the last stop and make the most money. That is until this year. The
Korean BBQ down the road is going to be the last stop and they have a new
micro-brew. The gang is determined to keep their business so they send Dennis
and Charlie to investigate. The microbrew is more powerful than any beer they
have ever drank and end up getting themselves thrown out of the Korean BBQ.
When they complain out back in the alley a young Asian female chimes in with her
sentiment. Screw this place! She can’t even drink a beer or smoke a cigarette.
Charlie finds the girl attractive and can’t believe someone can’t drink a beer.
He tells her she can come to Paddy’s anytime and do what ever she wants.
The girl is so impressed she follows Charlie home. There is a language barrier
but they communicate enough to really like each other. The next day, the day of
the pub crawl they are engaged.
Fearing they have missed the boat completely and not willing to give up the huge
crowd they have Mac, frank, and Dennis decide instead of their usual talent
contest they will spray girls with a water hose. Their only problem, they don’t
have any volunteers. Charlie proudly comes through the door with his new fiancé
who is wearing a wife beater. Dennis and Mac put her on stage while Frank goes
to the Korean BBQ to force them to close.
When Frank arrives with a loaded gun the butch female owner points out they are
already closed and don’t plan to open because her 12 year old daughter is
missing. Franks puts it together. Charlie’s new fiancé is 12 years old. Frank
rushes back to the bar just in time. He throws himself in front of the young
girl just as Dennis and Mac turn the hose on her.
The patrons are disappointed and leave. Dennis, Mac, and Dee give Charlie a hard
time for getting engaged to a 12 year old.
Dee can’t wait to show off her new up and coming boyfriend in the rap industry
to the gang. Boy is she in for a surprise when Dennis remembers he attended
school in trailers out back of the real school and rode the short bus. Dee your
boyfriend is retarded. Dee denies it and wants to prove them all wrong. No time
for that now. Mac and the boys decide if the retard can make it big they can
too. They form a band.
Mac, Dennis, Charlie, and even Frank are up for the band idea but all want to go
in separate directions. Charlie wants to go deep and soul singer like Bob Dylan.
Mac wants to go tortured grunge, Dennis wants to go 80’s hair band and ballads,
and finally Frank wants to be a bopping 50’s band.
Each approach the band, practice, and purchase of costumes and instruments to
the style they want to be. The entire “band” concept is lost as everyone does
their own thing. Nothing is accomplished other than Charlie writes a song that
sounds like a ballad to a male raping a male. No one will get on board with the
song except Dennis who has also been thrown out of the so-called band. The men
decide to have a battle of the band in the bar to decide which couple is best.
Mac and Frank or Charlie and Dennis.
Meanwhile Dee is convinced by Dennis her boyfriend is retarded. This haunts her
she can’t get past it and breaks up with him. Dennis has a good laugh claiming
he made the whole retarded story up.
Dee gets back together with Kevin (the boyfriend/rapper) on the night of the
battle of bands. She confesses why she broke up with him to begin with.
Kevin doesn’t take being called a retard lightly. He is on the cusp of being the
next big thing after all. After learning he has been one big joke to dee and the
gang he takes over the stage in the middle of Battle of the Bands.
Kevin send out a special rap he makes up right there on the spot about Dee. She
is touched at first but the rap paints a horrible, whore like picture of her. He
essentially insults her and breaks up with her in the middle of his rap.
Dee is left sitting with the gang as Kevin walks off into success.