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Top Ten List #6
Suggestions for Diane & Ashley in Choosing Names for their Babies
By Bethany

1. Make sure that whatever you decide, if the child is a girl, give her a girl's name and if the child is a boy, give him a boy's name. Otherwise your child may be embarrassed when he or she is enrolled in a gym class of the wrong sex. Take my word for it people, it happened to me. Also getting a draft notice when you are 5 months pregnant is a sure fire way to get back at the local draft board. 

2. If you are uncertain about a certain name, imagine yourself at the child's graduation, and the announcer is saying your child's whole name. Picture the poor child when the announcer says Archibald Bruno whatever or Taj Mahal whatever. I was there, people, and the poor boys were almost laughed off the stage. 

3. Give your son or daughter no name further down the alphabet than M. That way, they may stand a prayer of having a hurricane named after them and can brag to their friends. 

4. Don't give your child a name with over seven letters in it. When you go to cross stitch their name on something or try to arrange more that this many letters on the back of a shirt, you will know what I am saying. 

5. Try to find out what the most popular name is for your region and avoid it like the plague. Unless you want your special child to share his or her name with half of the kindergarten class.

6. Make sure the initials don't spell anything that you wouldn't want your child called. If you use the last names Abbott and Jenkins, you may be safe from this. 

7. Make sure that the kids can't rhyme a poem with the name you choose, like Chester the molester. 

8. Spell the name like a sensible person so your child won't have to spend the rest of his life spelling it out. If you choose Sharon, don't spell it Sharyn or Sharryn. Most people aren't even going to know what that is. 

9. Watch out for the dreaded nicknames. If you don't like Beth, then don't name your child Elizabeth. If you think that you will be able to keep the name in its full form, you are wrong. I have found that Christopher is the hardest name to keep at the full form. It has too many letters for most forms and comes out looking like Christoph.

10. Most important, do not call your child Little whatever. In no time at all, Little whatever is going to be bigger than his namesake and he will hate it. 

Bonus rule: Make sure that the first and last name do not make an embarrassing name. If your last name is Bell, don't name your daughter Jessa. Think about it, Jessa Bell.

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Page updated 8/21/12

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