Quotes made by Kristen, repeated over and over again during Day's Storylines.
Kristen: I'm committed to Tony/my marriage/my husband
Kristen: "I can make John love me again!!!
Kristen: "as soon as John sees what a good mother I am...
Kristen: "Tell me what your plan is!" (to Stefano)
KRISTEN (to Vivian after she's busted): You're either drunk or insane. Or both.
KRISTEN: It's OK, John loves me and won't leave me.
VIVIAN: That's because John is clueless!
(Vivian has just exposed Kristen)
VIVIAN: You see, you and I are alike.
KRISTEN: No, actually we are nothing alike.
VIVIAN: You and I would do just about anything to keep our men. Including very bizarre and unorthodox behavior, which of course is necessary when you are living in the shadow of your rival.
VIVIAN: I think the best thing you can do is leave town!
KRISTEN: No! I'm not going anywhere!
VIVIAN: Oh, I see. So you prefer to stay here while Marlena tells John everything. Well, fine, she's on her way over. Maybe you could rent a video camera and you could capture his [John] expression before he strangles you!
KRISTEN: Where'd he go?
VIVIAN: This is no time to speculate. Accept your fate, finish packing, get the hell out of Sale-
KRISTEN: Oh, wait a second! Wait! If John's not here, it means he won't be here when Marlena arrives!
VIVIAN: Kristen, you are buying seconds, nothing more. Come with meNnow before it gets worse!
KRISTEN: Worse? What could possibly be worse than this? What could possibly happen?
VIVIAN: I knew something like this would happen.
KRISTEN: You have no right to barge in here like this. I want you out of here now!
SUSAN: No. Nope, nope, nope.
VIVIAN: This is very serious.
KRISTEN: I think I know that!
VIVIAN: There is no way out. Susan's right. John's coming back, Marlena will be here, and she'll tell him everything. And if that doesn't keep him away from you, now we have a hysterical Susan. Post-partum, hormones raging through her body, who's going to tell Marlena things she doesn't even know!
KRISTEN: Oh God. Oh God.
VIVIAN: Like the fact that you weren't pregnant, and that you didn't give birth to John's child . . . it's all falling away, Kristen! If Marlena doesn't deal the lethal blow, Susan will. There's nothing you can do to keep this from happening.
VIVIAN: Kristen . . .
KRISTEN: Stop it! Look, it's because of you John is off wondering whether or not Marlena still loves him. Marlena's due here any second and if she gets here she is just going to blurt out everything she knows. And if John gets here, this whole thing -
VIVIAN: I know all the gory details.
(Kristen has called Stefano, only to reach one of his many minions.)
MINION: I'm sorry, but Mr. DiMera can't be reached. He'll probably call in a few weeks.
KRISTEN: Weeks? I don't have a few weeks. My whole life could be destroyed in a few minutes.
MINION: You're a DiMera. You'll think of something.
(Vivian and Ivan try to escape)
KRISTEN: There go the rats deserting the ship, I see!
VIVIAN: Well, better a live rat than a dead one.
KRISTEN:"Where the hell have you been?"
IVAN: "At the spa having a facial and a body wrap. You should try it. It's done wonders for me, Kristen".
KRISTEN:"My life is just hanging in the balance-as well as your lives-and you sit there and have beauty treatments?"
KRISTEN: But I don't have time to be bogged down by guilt
VIVIAN: No, of course not, conscious would be an impediment.
(Kristen shares her plans to eliminate the competition with the only person in Salem twisted enough to appreciate them)
KRISTEN: When Stefano gets back in town, he's going to take Susan and Marlena away, and they'll never be heard from again.
VIVIAN: How wonderfully evil!
KRISTEN: Well, I'm not doing anything. It's not me who's kidnapping them. I'm just making it easier for Stefano.
VIVIAN: Quite a rationale!
KRISTEN: If you tell John or anybody else that John Jr. is your son, I promise you, you will never see Dr. Evans again and something worse could happen.
SUSAN:"What could be worse than that?"
KRISTEN:"Graceland will burn down".
SUSAN (distraught):"Oh, no. Not Graceland".
(Susan's antics drive Vivian and Kristen to seek refuge in a bottle)
VIVIAN: Ivan, make me a vodka martini.
KRISTEN: Me, too. Make mine a double; it's been a hell of a day.
VIVIAN: I don't think John should catch you with alcohol on your breath. You're supposed to be nursing.
KRISTEN: Well, if Susan would stop gallivanting around town impersonating me, I wouldn't have to resort to alcohol to calm my nerves, now would I?
(Kristen's devilish attempt to cast blame)
MARLENA: Susan. Tell the truth. Think about your precious Elvis.
KRISTEN: John, I hate to say it. Is it possible marlena's possessed again? Oh my God!
Laura: Why don't you give it up, Kristen!
(Kristen arrives to the hospital, just after Roman collapsed at Carrie's New Year's Eve party, and is confronted by the Brady's.)
KIMBERLY: What are you doing here?
KRISTEN: I'm concerned about Roman.
KIMBERLY: Insane people can't feel concern.
(Kristen has John Jr. stashed in his old nursery.)
JOHN: I could have sworn I heard the shrill sound of a baby crying.
KRISTEN: It must've been a Kenny G song.
KRISTEN: Why don't you open up this present. It's for you.
SUSAN: For me?
KRISTEN: (Thinking to herself) No, it's really for the maid, but what the hell.
(After Roman collapses, John thinks that Kristen might be responsible.)
KRISTEN (Annoyed): I'm not up to anything, John.
JOHN (sarcastically) That would be a first.
(Kristen and Vivian run into each other at the spa)
VIVIAN: What a surprise! What sort of schemes are you up to these days?
KRISTEN (snidely): That's funny. I was just going to ask you the same thing.
CELESTE: I sense that something just isn't right with you, Kristen.
KRISTEN : Of course you do. That's your job, Celeste - sensing things about people. But you know what? This time, you're right. Something's not right with me; my nails are a mess. I really need a manicure.
(Kristen starts laughing hysterically to herself while Laura is in the room)
LAURA: What are you laughing at?
KRISTEN: Don't worry about it. It's an inside joke.
EDMUND: I have a busy day planned for you tomorrow. And there's no use asking for a hint because I'm going to lock my lips and throw away the key.
KRISTEN (as Susan, to herself): Lovely image!
(Abe, Roman, John, Edmund and "Susan" are discussing Laura's status as a suspect in Kristen's murder)
EDMUND: (to Abe and Roman) Excuse me if I sound rather thick.
KRISTEN: (as Susan, to herself) How else could you sound, you idiot?
KRISTEN: (to herself, while dressed as Susan) I look ridiculous. I look like Susan.
KRISTEN: (condescendingly to Susan): Susan, you can't expect us to believe that Elvis Presley came to your house and made love to you.
VIVIAN (after Ivan faints upon hearing that Kristen wants them to dig up Peter's body themselves): Not again
(Vivian bends over him)
KRISTEN (looking on): Would you smack him for me?
KRISTEN (as she stomps on the frame with John and Marlena's picture): This is what's left of John and
is what's left of John and Marlena! This is what's left of John and Marlena!
(after Marlena somehow stopped Kristen and John from eloping on the plane)
MARLENA: "I'm not going to let you out of my sight."
KRISTEN: "Didn't you have a career at one time? What happened to that? Or did you quit to devote yourself to torturing me?"
(After Marlena proved one of Kristen's actions wrong by saying it didn't happen in the hospital)
KRISTEN: Oh, and you just know everything that goes on in this hospital, don't you?
KRISTEN: You are just such a bitch!
MARLENA: I was thinking the same thing about you.
KRISTEN (upon seeing Susan in bed with John): she's (Susan) impersonating me!
MARLENA: you HIRED her to impersonate you.
KRISTEN: I didn't hire her to have sex with my husband!
Kristen and Marlena are locked in the secret room watching Susan parade around as Kristen)
Marlena: Once she exposes herself I will be free to love John and you will be free to rot in Hell.
Kristen: No, it'll never happen.
KRISTEN: How can you not know, John? How can you not know that's not me? It's that crazy bucktoothed moron!
MARLENA: Obviously your lovemaking isn't as impressive.
MARLENA (about John spending time with Susan, who is impersonating Kristen):"Maybe he's so preoccupied by finding me that maybe he won't even notice".
KRISTEN:"My God, what a colossal ego you have!"
KRISTEN (about Marlena): "Just look at her. Playing the perfect mommy. Devious witch - she makes me sick."
VIVIAN: "I'm sure she feels the same way about you."
Kristen and Marlena are trapped in the secret room and they are watching Susan and John eat a romantic dinner. Kristen is fuming at Susan for pigging out.
KRISTEN:(chowing down on a chicken leg) You idiot! I never eat fatty foods!
(Marlena looks at Kristen in surprise)
Kristen opens a bag of potato chips and eats a handful
KRISTEN: (Spitting out the food) UUH! Pork rinds! What part of the pig is this?
(Marlena and Kristen watch the wedding on a monitor in the secret room)
MARLENA (laughing hysterically): "This is priceless".
KRISTEN (about Susan) : "She turned my wedding into a freak show".
MARLENA : "Just think, by tommorrow you'll be on the cover of every society page in the country. This will be great for your reputation".
(A phone call from John turns Roman's death into an inconvenience for Kristen)
JOHN: Marlena's not doing so good, sweetheart. I'm going to stay with her awhile.
KRISTEN: Of course. I love you.
JOHN: Same here (hangs up).
KRISTEN: Same here? He can't even tell me he loves me in front of his precious, fragile, weak Doc. Thanks a lot, Roman. You picked a hell of a time to die!
MARLENA (to KRISTEN who's trying to explain herself after they were released from the secret room): OK, go ahead, start talking; you'll hang yourself.
In the same scene:
KRISTEN: John, she's feeling the effects of the cellar.
MARLENA: I'm feeling the effects of the treachery.
(Kristen passes food to Marlena in the secret room)
KRISTEN: "Feeding time. Time to feed the animals."
MARLENA: "Is it poisoned?"
KRISTEN: "That's clever. That's very funny. But, no. I've got to keep you fat and sassy. Stefano's got lots of big plans for you."
(Kristen turns Eric 's dig into a compliment as only she can)
KRISTEN: It looks like your mom is falling in love with your dad again. Isn't that great?
ERIC: No, that's what you want to happen.
KRISTEN: Oh, come on. Isn't that what you want? Tell the truth. Every kid wants their parents to be together.
ERIC: You know, I can see how you snowed John. You're as good as Stefano.
KRISTEN: Well, thanks!
MARLENA (to Roman, John and "Susan" about Kristen's suicide): It was one final act of revenge. I wouldn't put it past her.
KRISTEN (as Susan, to herself): And while you're at it, maybe you shouldn't put it past Kristen to punch you out right here and shut you up for good.
KRISTEN (to herself about Marlena): Give me a break. You're having the time of your life, Doc. Stringing Roman and John along. Both of them madly in love with you, fighting over you. You're just in hussy heaven.
EDMUND (admiringly): Marlena's remarkable, isn't she? Prominent psychiatrist, terrific mum, loyal friend.....
KRISTEN (as Susan, spitefully, to herself): ......Major phony. But who'd expect an idiot like Edmund to see through her act? Nobody else does.
Classic Lines Courtesy of Soap's in Depth and Beth Porchey