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Top Ten Things you Should Never Do If You Are a Soap Character

By Suzanne Lanoue

1. Never say anything like, "We're so happy" or "This is the start of our beautiful life" because after that, your life will be hell or your relationship will come crashing down on the rocks.

2. Never carry a gun--someone always gets hurt (and you get blamed) NOTE: This rule does not apply if you are a cop!

3.  Never get upset about going to jail--either you are innocent and that will be found out, or you will escape and then save someone's life, so the governor will grant you an immediate pardon (especially if you saved the life of the person you raped).

4. Never yell anything out in a courtroom trial, unless you are saying "he's innocent and I have proof" (or unless you're a lawyer).

5. Never get old because then you will be back-burnered, or they will find someone younger to replace you.

6. Never sleep with someone just once because then you will get pregnant FOR SURE (especially if he's not the one you love).

7.  Never tell an older man or woman how much you hate them (chances are, they'll turn out to be your long-lost father or mother--then think how embarrassed you'll be).

8.  Never discuss that very important secret that you're keeping, especially without checking first to look for eaves-droppers!

9. Never publicly threaten to kill or "get" someone because they will then be murdered and you will be the first one accused of the murder!

And the most important thing never to do if you are a soap opera character....

10.  Never keep secrets--they ALWAYS come out!

Check out our other Top Ten pages for AMC, ATWT, B&B, Days, GH, GL, OLTL, Passions, PC, Y&R, & Angel.

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Page updated 2/28/13

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