Top Ten Signs You're Addicted to Port
10. You're convinced that your town is a
battleground for good and evil.
9. You can read the transcript and
know exactly when the closed captioners got it wrong.
8. Your TV shows all PC, all the
7. You tell people that your workout
clothes were designed by Georges.
6. You go to the hospital and refuse
to leave until Dr. Chris Ramsey can see you.
5. You point and say, "Shame," in a
raspy voice whenever someone does something wrong.
4. You play hide and seek among silk
panels hanging from the ceiling.
3. You quit your job so you can be available to babysit Christina at a moment's notice.
2. Your car horn, cell phone, watch
alarm, and doorbell all play the same tune: the first five notes of
1. You have the Elixir "X" tattooed
on the back of your hand--and it glows.
Page updated 8/23/14
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