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Passions Article

Shirley's Opinions

By Shirley

6/13/05 - 6/17/05

Oh, my, what a week, huh? I don't know which was worse, the constant tricks the writers kept playing on us, or the marathons through what I always assumed was a tiny fishing village. Both things were frustrating and left me scratching my head, wondering what was going on. I guess after thinking about it, the dirty tricks by the writers wins by a nose. But it's a pug nose, not a honker.

I would be hard pressed to remember a week when so many hitches in the scripts were present, as they were this week. Let's see if I can remember them all. First, Sheridan finally runs in the back door of Beth's house, as Luis breaks through the front door, leaving us ecstatic with the knowledge that finally Beth has been caught, since she's standing right there in the living room, holding Marty and cringing. However, it takes Sheridan at least five minutes to get from the kitchen into the living room, although they seem to be right next to each other, while it only takes Beth a nanosecond to get to the closet, get her and Marty in there with the tied-up Edna, get the door closed, and get enough control over Marty to keep him quiet so neither Luis nor Sheridan even get a glimpse of her dust. Then they have Sheridan eyeing the closet, saying she doesn't believe Beth could have gone to the emergency room and it must be a trick and acting as if she knows they are in there, yet she doesn't go to check it out until after Beth manages to get her and Marty out without a peep and is halfway out of town in a stolen car. They have Sam and Luis find Beth through her ATM card, which she is using to try to get some cash out so they can get out of town, and they speed over there as she is standing around wondering what to do, but before they can turn the last corner she completely disappears again. Now, as the mother of several children, I can tell you that managing to get anywhere that quickly while lugging a kid as big as Marty is next to impossible, yet they expect us to believe it.

Over on the Ned and Fancy front, first Ned is told about a mouthy blond he believes to be Fancy, but when he walks the space of two seats ahead of him, he finds only someone else, since Fancy apparently rocketed her way to the restroom. Then, when she comes back, the woman he found tells her about the good looking guy that mistook her for someone else, and Fancy wonders if it's Ned, looking back where he is sitting, but he manages to fall on the floor or something, since he can't be seen at all. Add to that the sleight-of-hand involved in the papers Rebecca lost that were supposed to incriminate her and Gwen but turned out to be pictures of Becs, a donkey, and someone named Ramon, plus the disk Ethan found that had pictures on it, and the one Becs told Gwen was the real one, which she promptly shredded, but which wasn't the real one at all since Becs has that one stuffed safely in her bra. Just an aside here on that shredding thing. I have shredded a lot of papers in my job at a school, and I can tell you from experience that something as small as a staple that was missed when checking can jam those shredders up and give you fits until you can get it out, so how in God's name did Gwen manage to shred that disk? Absolutely impossible! Now, that's another thing that bugs me; when they expect us to believe things that couldn't possibly happen anywhere on this planet.

That's all the switches I can think of right now, but I'm sure there are more. I know there are, as a matter of fact. But for these purposes, I think I've given enough examples to illustrate my point, and that is that I am sick and tired of all these dodges, of these guys building our hopes up, making us think something we've wanted for a long time is finally going to happen, only to have it blow up in our face in the most stupid, illogical, unrealistic way. This week was a prime example of that kind of farce, and it pretty much trumped all the good things that happened. As a matter of fact, I'm having a hard time right now trying to figure out what happened that was good. Oh, well, another time, maybe.

Now, on to those marathon races. Didn't it seem to you that Luis and Sheridan were racing across New York City instead of Harmony? It took forever for the car to get anywhere, then it got engulfed in the fog Endora created, and then when they got rid of that, it crashed. Now Sheridan hops out of the car and takes off running, trying to get to her son quickly, and Luis ran behind her. But they were running for almost two days before they got to Beth's. Up one street, down another, around this corner, around that corner, back up this way, over that way.....good Lord, I have never been so tired of watching people run as I was watching these two this week. And Tabitha, a 300 year old powerless witch beat them there, even though she got a late start on them and was held prisoner and almost done away with by Cherubim! What's wrong with this picture? Come on, guys, give us a break. Stop thinking we are so dumb we won't know the difference for once, would ya?

The rest of the stories didn't really rate mention in my opinion. The ho-hum, Sheridan-killed-Rachel-and-she's-in-the-mausoleum story ranks right up there with watching pudding cool, along with the Alistair-will-keep-it-quiet-if Katherine-will-live-with-him claptrap. Of course, there was the obligatory "No, Katherine, you can't do it!", "But Martin, I have to!", "No, don't do this to yourself or me", "Shut up and stay out of this, Fitzgerald!", "I have to do it, Martin. I love you, though" gobble-de-gook in the mausoleum, but that kind of faded out of memory, pretty much. Boring, stale, it what you will, it fits all those categories and more. Frankly, I just don't care any more. Let her go live with Alistair, let Martin go home to Pilar, let them both pine away for each other, giving one another puppy eyes whenever they see each other...I just don't care. Same for Fancy and Noah. Ho-hum, same old same old. Now, the Fox/Chad/Whitney story could be good if they'd get with it and work it right, and there's still Liz and TC to be dealt with, but they can't buy screen time any more with all this other nonsense going on so I don't expect to much going on with those stories any time soon. It will continue as it is and has been for a few months now. See? I am learning!

Well, I guess that's enough of that for now. Maybe some suggestions would be in order here. So, here goes. I suggest they deal with Edna and her part in the kidnapping, etc. I think she started to make a good case for herself on that score, but it was almost just tossed out as nothing, and dropped just as quickly. I wish they would show that she was an old woman who was in fear for her very life, as proved by the way she was found and the injuries she has from Beth trying to kill her. Well, if they ever take the time to look for, verify, and document them, that is. This being the Harmony police, it probably won't happen, tho. Now, I personally think that old lady willingly went along with a lot of it, and she had ample time to tell people what she knew, but then, every time she tried to no one believed her, so she has a good case there, too. They really need to deal with this story in more depth, though.

Next, they need to have Rebecca and Gwen's part in Ethan's exposure found out and dealt with. Whether that means he will leave her and go to Theresa or not can be handled as they see fit, but it really needs to come out. My one hope is that if he does dump Gwen and hop on the Theresa bandwagon, that she will kick him off and keep him off. He really isn't worth the time it takes to deal with, in my opinion. He is weak, he is a liar, he is a cheat, and he simply isn't worth the hassle. As much as Theresa has done, she has at least always been truthful about her feelings for him and the reasons she did the things she did. The same cannot be said for either Ethan or Gwen, and they both need to lose. Of course, if Theresa were to turn him away, he would simply crawl back to Gwen, and simp that she is, she would take him back, but at least the situation would have been dealt with and the truth would finally be known.

For Katherine's problem, I propose that they have her sneak onto a midnight flight to Timbuktu without telling anyone she's leaving. She could die her hair or don a wig, dress herself in dowdy, Edna-type clothes, and get on the plane without anyone being the wiser and no one would ever find her. That would end her misery, once and for all, and there would be no more decisions to make about being Alistair's wife or being Martin's mistress, hoping Pilar doesn't find out and beat the holy living tar out of her. Martin should probably take off, ala Miguel, searching the world over for his lost love, yet never finding her. Pilar, now aware of the reasons Martin left her and that he doesn't want her can divorce him and move on with her life, dating several men who would all be fighting over her attention. Something like the Shirley McClain character in Evening Star. I would love to see Pilar have all these men who dote on her, who jump at her command, and who are always there whenever she needs them for anything at all. It would be fun to see her kids cope with the hot new Mama they have before them instead of the staid, quiet, homebody they've always known. Now, that would be a story I could get behind.

Sheridan needs to finally find Martin, finally knock Beth into next week, and finally marry Luis. Beth can go to either a jail or a psycho farm, where she would continue to have adventures but couldn't hurt anyone but herself. She and Norma could hook up, becoming best friends and partners in crime, so to speak. Now, that would be funny. And even better would be to have Precious come back after her relative gets better and be hired to watch over the inmates, in direct charge of Bethy. Now, that's another story I could get behind. Talk about just desserts!

Last but not least, Whitney needs to finally tell the truth, and someone needs to finally out Liz for the snake she is. Fox and Chad could team up against Whitney, or they could find out he's not really her brother and they could be together, leaving Fox to seek revenge for the wrong done him. Mama Ivy could help, too. And once Liz is exposed, TC could follow Eve around like a puppy dog, whining about he's sorry, he should never have listened to Liz, he should have trusted Eve since she had been a perfect wife all along, etc. And Eve should tease him for a while, give him hope she might actually forgive him, then yank the rug out from under him by taking off secretly with Julian and marrying him at long last. I would love to see TC's face when they got back to Harmony and announced their nuptials in the Harmony Gazette, or whatever it's called. Absolutely perfect justice! And Liz....well, she could make her way back to her island hotel, finding it in ruins due to the big hurricanes that have chosen that particular island to hit head on every time. She won't have the money to leave again, so she'll have to live there in poverty, picking up work whenever she can find it, until Julian buys the island and sets up a new hotel on it and hires her to scrub the toilets all day long. Man, oh man, that would be good!

OK, enough of my evil dreams. I think you can see that after all my hopes for better stories and a faster pace, it's turning out to be just another fake out by the writers, apparently. Oh, there's still a chance that it will pick up again and actually fulfill our fondest wishes, but let's face it, May is over, the sweeps are gone, and there's no real incentive to do that any more. No, I'm afraid what forward motion there was is probably over now, and we will be stuck in the same muck and mire we've been in all these years, at least for a few more months. But, never fear. November sweeps will be here before too long, right? And we can still dream.

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