One Life to Live Best Lines Wednesday 9/10/08
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Provided By Suzanne
Matthew: I'm trying to look cool tomorrow.
Cole: Dude, you already look cool.
Matthew: Don't start sounding like my mom. You know what time it is. Either I look cool tomorrow, or I'm going to get swirlied. I don't want to start my high school career with my head flushed down a toilet.
Natalie: Okay, no, this isn't possible. Jessica was integrated. I mean, you -- you were whole again -- you were fine.
Tess: "You were whole again, you're fine." And then the clouds parted, and the angels sang, and the whole world was at peace. Well, I like fairy tales, too, Natalie, but how about I tell you what really happened? You and your slimeball boyfriend, Jared -- you killed my husband, you know, the father of my babies. And then Jessica, your precious Jessica -- she ran and hid. And then I came back to make you pay.
Natalie: It was an accident.
Tess: "It was an accident."
Tess: Well, the logistics of the situation don't really matter, but let's just say I learned from the best. Thanks, Mom.
Tess: Well, when she was Jean Randolph, you know, she locked Dorian up down here, and nobody found her for, gosh, a really long time.
Natalie: Down here? In the Llanfair basement, that's where I am?
Tess: Bingo. Natalie, you're really smart.
Cristian: Your daughter hates your guts.
Carlo: We have a complex relationship.
Cristian: She's going to be dancing on your grave when somebody else kills you.
Langston: Maybe my mom had a brother or a sister or a cousin that she didn't want me to know about because she was embarrassed.
Starr: Okay, but, Langston, if she was so embarrassed, wouldn't she have said something to you, like, "Thank God you never met my cousin Wanda because she used to pick her nose at parties"?
Natalie: Are you going to kill me?
Tess: Oh -- been there, done that. Hmm. Twice, actually.
Natalie: You know, Jared knew something was wrong, and I made excuses for you.
Tess: Oh, Natalie, you are a special sister. But as a daughter -- you kind of suck. Now, you almost killed Viki by convincing her to borrow your car to go to the cottage.
Natalie: You caused that accident?
Tess: Snip, snip -- bye-bye, Viki.
Natalie: You're insane.
Tess: And then when that didn't work, I spiked the risotto with a special sauce, and trust me, it was a killer.
Cole: Well, I'm not exactly an expert, but from what I can tell, the thing that makes you cool is that you don't try so hard to be cool.
Matthew: Well, how do you do that?
Cole: Well, you know, you wear the clothes that you want, and wear the shoes you want, hang out with whoever you want, and don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks.
Matthew: Easy for you to say -- you're going to be a senior. I'm going to be a freshman.
Cole: You're Matthew Buchanan. All right, you're a cool, smart kid.
Matthew: Yeah, who still looks like he's in middle school. If I don't do something now, I'm going to get beat up every single day.
Cole: Where are you getting all this stuff from?
Matthew: Myface. I have, like, 300 friends, and every day I read their news flashes. "9:15, shoved in a locker. 10:30, swirlied. Noon, got my lunch money stolen."
Starr: Did something happen with him and Karen?
Langston: No, Starr --
Starr: Oh, my gosh, no, I knew that something was going to happen, because she was in her skimpy little bikini, and here I am all pregnant.
Langston: Okay, time-out, time-out, time-out. Oh, my God -- okay. Nothing happened between Karen and Cole. Okay? Okay, well, that's kind of a lie, something did happen.
Starr: See, I knew it.
Langston: Not what you think, okay? Karen and her friends were so bimbo-y, and you were so you, that all Cole could think about was what you guys had. It just made him miss you even more.
Tess: Okay, Natalie. Let's click your heels together three times. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." Wait -- no Jessica to the rescue?
Natalie: Jess, please -- Jess, if you can hear me --
Tess: Shh -- she can't, honey. I got rid of her, for good this time. But you know what? That dumb bitch did do me one really big favor, popping out one last time to save your sorry lives. Because let me tell you, death by risotto was way too painless for you. I am going to hurt you and Jared in a way that's going to last a lifetime. Just like you did to me and my babies.
Tina: Why did you have to go to Africa now? I mean, Viki, couldn't the Mother Teresa thing just wait just a little bit? Because we need you here. Because if you were here, then none of this would have happened -- or even if it had, you would -- you would know how to save Sarah and me. I -- oh. Viki, I don't know what to do.
Carlo: It might behoove you to examine your own dire situation before making assumptions about my daughter.
Cristian: Fine. I'll behoove.
Carlo: Bravo! Entertaining performance.
Cristian: It's not an act. You can run but you can't hide, Hesser. Not for long.
Carlo: But, Cristian, I can hide you for as long as I like.
Matthew: If being a freshman doesn't get me killed the first day, then putting my foot in my mouth certainly will.
Cole: Yeah, well, it's tougher being a freshman.
Matthew: This is you trying to make me feel better about tomorrow?
Cole: Look -- look, I'd try wearing the right clothes, listening to the right music, hanging out with the right people, but you know what? There was always a group of popular kids that looked like they didn't even have to try.
Matthew: So, what am I supposed to do?
Cole: Just be yourself.
Matthew: I want to be homeschooled.
Starr: You should have seen the look on Karen's face, Langston. I don't know which was worse, her thinking that I'd gained a lot of weight, or realizing that it was a baby bump, which I don't even know what that means.
Cristian: So what are you going to do until they find me? Torture me? Try to brainwash me again, hmm? Bring it on! Come on!
Carlo: Thanks for the invitation, but it isn't necessary. All I want to do is punish you and your brother and Sarah for turning Talia against me.
Natalie: Jared is never going to believe that I'm breaking up with him.
Tess: Oh, yeah, because you're love's too real, too strong, too whatever.
Natalie: It just is.
Tess: Until it ain't, Natalie. And that happens when I say so. So, uh, enjoy your scrapbook because memories are all I have left of Nash. And they're all you have left of Jared.
Tess: Oh, I love peaches.
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