One Life to Live Best Lines Monday 9/8/08

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Provided By Suzanne

John: Pretty classy, huh? Beers out of a bag, cheap plastic patio furniture.

Blair: Look, I'm of the people, too, dude, just like you.

John: I'm getting that.

Blair: I'll have you know that there was a time not too long ago when I was best known for closing down Rodi's. Mm-hmm.

John: No wonder we get along.

Blair: Mm-hmm. We both know how to get down and get dirty, right?

John: I know rain bothers you.

Blair: Kind of brings out my animal instincts.

John: Looks like clear skies tonight.

Blair: Oh, too bad.

Tina: Okay, the only way out is through that door. But the only one who could open that door is Tess, the pod person.

Marty: Starting over, huh? How would it not be possible?

Todd: That's right. That's right. I want to raise my grandkid the right way this time. I mean, I don't want to raise him -- not the way I raised Starr and Jack and Sam. When Blair and I did it, we made a lot of mistakes.

Marty: That's a noble goal.

Todd: Yes, yes. I'm a very noble man. [Laughs]

Sarah: Okay, all right, all right. Chill-ax, okay? What's your problem?

Tess: [As Jessica] You don't listen, that's my problem.

Tess: Hey, I see you figured out how to turn your TV on, or did your dog teach you?

Tina: I'm not walking through that door.

Tess: Suit yourself.

Tina: No, wait.

Tess: Make up your mind, lady.

Tina: Are you teasing me?

Tess: Really? You have been locked up in one too many cages.

Tina: What do you want from me?

Tess: Well, two things. First, I want you to help me whenever I need you to. And second, and more importantly, I want you to keep your obnoxious trap shut about everything, and I mean everything.

Carlo: Don't exert yourself, Cristian. You're too far from freedom's reach, I'm afraid.

Cristian: You better hope to hell I am, you sick son of a bitch.

Carlo: Hmm, are you trying to scare me?

Cristian: Because she sure as hell wouldn't mind now, would she?

Carlo: Oh, poor Talia. She thinks she's asserted her independence.

Cristian: You don't daughter like her. You don't deserve crap.

Carlo: Oh, what's with all of this nasty talk, huh? Not happy with your accommodations? [Baby talk] Is that why you're so cranky?

Tina: You wouldn't really tell Carlo Hesser.

Tess: Lady, does it look like I'm playing around here?

Tina: Yeah, but he's locked up in a Mendorran jail.

Tess: Oh, yeah, you're right. And he'll probably just stay there and rot. Maybe he'll take one of those fancy courses, or maybe he might take up a religion, or maybe, just maybe, because he's kind of a crafty guy, he'll break the hell out of there and get back to doing what he loves best -- torturing people.

Tess: No -- eh, eh, eh. Put the dog down. He stays here.

Tina: What -- no, forget it. David Vickers is my best friend. I will not be separated from him.

Tess: Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm -- how could you survive a second without him whining and barking and peeing all over you?

Tina: Don't pay any attention to her, David Vickers. She is clearly out of her mind.

Shane: I wasn't finished.

Gigi: Really? Do you have another apology?

Shane: No. I just wanted to say that I hate Rex Balsom, and I don't care if I don't ever see his ugly rat face ever again.

Tina: How could you do this?

Tess: Ask...

[Lock closes]

Tess: Jean Randolph.

Tina: How can you even say that woman's name?

Tess: Please, a little respect. The woman's my hero.

Tina: This is sick.

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