One Life to Live Best Lines Tuesday 9/2/08

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Provided By Suzanne

Tina: Oh, David Vickers, honey. Oh, you're at that basement door again? Now, listen, an obsession like that is only going to drive you crazy, honey, really. Take it from me, someone who knows. Besides, I don't want to have to give you doggie downers.

Tina: So what do you think, David Vickers? Could Jessica be stupid enough to leave a key up here on the door frame? Well, maybe not stupid, maybe crazy. Now with our family, that is a distinct possibility.

Roxy: And who are you? Look at you. This dog's not going to give me fleas, is it?

Tina: I assure you, David Vickers does not have fleas.

Roxy: I was talking about the dog.

Tina: Excuse me. The dog's name is David Vickers and he has been deflea-ed. I'm afraid I can't say the same for David Vickers, the man.

Roxy: No kidding. He's probably got something worse.

Todd: I feel like celebrating. We should throw a party. No one would come, though.

Roxy: I can't believe you're Sarah’s mom. She is the shizzle. She got Snoop Dogg doing his "izzle" thing for my son's fiancée’s bachelorette party, except they're not together now.

Tina: Oh, my God! I was supposed to marry Max Holden.

Roxy: You were? What happened?

Tina: Well, we had this little problem with someone saying the wrong man's name during the "I do’s."

Roxy: Is that why he was so cold to me? Because he was into guys?

Tina: Oh, no, no. No, not at all. No, I'm the one who said the wrong guy's name.

Roxy: You think that's bad? Well, I kept Natalie away from Viki for years because I passed her off as my own. It was all because of Mitch Laurence.

Tina: Oh, you know, I can so top that.

Roxy: Oh, yeah?

Tina: Yeah, I passed another baby off as my own and then I actually helped some people switch babies. And then I've dated Mitch Laurence.

Todd: I knew it wouldn't be long before Starr saw what I saw.

Marty: Which was?

Todd: Which was that Marcie McBain can't be trusted to take care of a gerbil, let alone a baby.

Roxy: Yeah, and he was even madder about the second lie than he was about the first, because he was really getting attached to this second, phony dad. I swear to you, he said to me, "I will never talk to you again, Roxy, unless you tell me the truth."

Tina: Yeah, truth. Such an annoying word.

Roxy: Aw, man, the truth is so totally overrated. I just hope he gets over it. And, you know, if I tell him what he thinks he wants to hear, he's never going to forgive me.

Roxy: Why do you do that?

Tina: What?

Roxy: Make me feel better while you're making yourself feel worse.

Tina: It's a gift. And a curse.

Blair: I mean, people break up, they get back together, they break up, they get back together, they break up, they get back together. Just look at your dad and me.

Starr: Don't use you guys as an example. That's terrible, Mom.

Blair: Good point.

Bo: Okay, you take care.

Tess: You, too. [Normal voice] God, I am so sick of family.

Roxy: So, you'll tell Natty that I was here?

Tina: Oh, absolutely. Oh, and thanks for the really great job you did on my nails.

Roxy: Listen, I owe you a big freebie, because you calmed me down so much.

Tina: Oh. Oh, honey, remember. Us imperfect girls, we have to stick together.

Oliver: Reporting for duty, Sir.

John: How are things going in Cherryville?

Oliver: Smoking. I cracked a big bicycle theft ring, got my picture on the front page of "The Cherryville Gazette."

John: Okay, all right. Well, thanks for pulling yourself away from all that to help me out.

Tina: David Vickers? Honey? I found a stick. Come on, sweetie, let's play catch. I swear that dog gets into as much trouble as his namesake.

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