One Life to Live Best Lines Wednesday 8/13/08

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Provided By Suzanne

Jared: [As Clint] Is he still trying to get you to buy a telephone with no cords, 'cause I got a piece of string with a couple of tin cans I could sell you.

Gigi: Oh, God, oh, God, it's true. They're sending Rex to Vietnam.

Delphina: No, no, no, it's not Rex. It's a porpoise?

Gigi: A what?

Delphina: Oh, a seal.

Asa: Canada is for a bunch of candy-assed hippies who don't have the backbone to stand up and fight.

Chuck Sr.: Somebody show this draft dodger the door.

Jeremiah: Hey, make love, not war, brother.

Dallas: [As Renee] Miss Renee Divine.

Olympia: Oh, so you're a whore.

Renee: The head whore, but you can call me Renee.

Olympia: I'll stick with whore. You here to steal my husband?

Bo: Did you see that woman standing over there?

Prof. Fina: Uh, the wife or, uh, the mistress?

Bo: The one that is supposed to be my wife.

Prof. Fina: Oh, yes, the crazy one.

Bo: Mm-hmm, you know what? She just happens to look exactly like a woman that I left standing at the altar. Why would I do that? Because she tried to fake a mental illness just so that she could get out of going to prison for murder.

Prof. Fina: Yes, well, you sure do know how to pick 'em.

Bo: Mm-hmm. And you'll never guess who she murdered. That little creep who just shot us with a squirt gun after he grew up.

Prof. Fina: Yes, well it seems like she was doing the world a favor.

Bo: Yeah, well, after he grew up, she did.

Shane: [As Spencer] Who is that?

Emma: Our hostess Mrs. Buchanan.

Spencer: She scared me.

Bo: You have no idea, but you will.

Chuck: Tequila, huh? The good stuff.

Bo: Tell the worm I said hi. Maybe later.

Delphina: So why didn't you tell Rex about Shane when you met him again?

Gigi: Because I didn't want to wreck his life. He was engaged to Adriana.

Delphina: Dorian's daughter? Ew, I don't see that.

Gigi: Neither did I.

Lindsay: [As Olympia] Have we met?

Delphina: [As Prof. Fina] Oh, uh, no, we, uh, haven't had that pleasure. I'm Professor Delbert Fina.

Olympia: Olympia Buchanan.

Prof. Fina: Olympia, oh, yes, the, uh, home of the gods, rumored to be the most beautiful place in heaven.

Olympia: And you're the son of Hermes and Aphrodite, half man and half woman.

Delphina: Is there something on my lip?

Gigi: Like what?

Delphina: [As Prof. Fina] A mustache.

Delphina: Sorry, sometimes I channel men. Like, once, I channeled Dorian Lord's husband and we --

Gigi: Oh, too much information.

Jared: [As Clint] What did you put in these brownies?

Moe: [As Jeremiah] Well, dig in.

Clint: I can't stop eating them, man.

Jeremiah: Dig in -- they'll cure what ails you.

Clint: No, but what is it that's in them?

Jeremiah: Well, that's my secret.

Nigel: [As Chuck, Sr.] Son, turn that up. Well, look at that. Nixon's winning on the first go-round.

Chuck: [As Chuck, Jr.] I'd rather watch “Lassie."

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