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Guiding Light Top Ten List

25 Things that the Characters of Guiding Light
can ask Santa for this Christmas
 
By Bethany

1. Reva Shayne needs a book on how live without alienating your children, bringing home strays, and staying out of trouble. I am surprised that she hasn't gotten herself killed for real the way she carries on.

2. Mariah Lewis needs a file and a mannequin that looks like her when she returns home from Chicago. She will be grounded either by her parents or the FBI until she is 30 and we can't have that. She needs a way to come and go without anyone being the wiser.

3. Shayne Lewis pretty much needs the same things as his sister this year. He is in big trouble.

4. Joshua Lewis needs to get his head out from under Olivia's butt long enough to realize that he is number 2 and 3's father and that he has a responsibility to actually father them instead of expecting Reva to do it for him.

5. Olivia Spencer needs a husband that can commit to her and the brains to realize that she is going to lose big time by being involved with yet another one of Reva's ex-spouses. Don't hook her up with Buzz either, Santa. Reva has been there and did that too.

6. Buzz Cooper, he does need a good woman Santa. He isn't a bad man but he sure can get mixed up with some weird women. Let's examine the last 3, Nadine Cooper Lewis, tries to fake a pregnancy and hides an 18 year old pregnant girl in the attic so she can take her baby when it is born. Jenna Bradshaw Cooper, reformed jewel thief. Buzz you should have know that her past would catch up with her sooner or later just like it did with number 3, Selena Davis. She had mob connections that nearly got you and her killed. Try someone that is more like Betty Crocker since he owns a restaurant this time.

7. Harley Cooper Spaulding needs a holiday that she doesn't have to spend across the table from the first Mrs. Spaulding. Whose bright idea was it anyway to have Beth and her in the same room during Thanksgiving?

8. Phillip Spaulding needs his butt kicked from Springfield to Tulsa for, pardon the pun, screwing up, when he and Beth crash landed back in the late winter. Who is their right mind is going to think about sex when they are slowly freezing to death?

9. Beth Lemay needs a dose of the same kick that you give Phillip. She was just as guilty as he was and she needs to leave Edmund alone too before she really self-destructs.

10. Jim Lemay needs more money in which to gamble away at the casino, either that or a lifetime membership to Gambler's Anonymous.

11. Susan Lemay needs a cage for her parents to put her in at night and at other times that they believe that she is lying about where she will be. The girl is going to get herself killed, raped or wind up missing somewhere if someone doesn't control her better than they are. Maybe Harley can give Jim some handcuffs for her too.

12. Meta Bauer needs a certificate for being the most sane person on this show. Everyone else is certifiable and if they told the most insane one to fall out of the sack first, they would be fighting over who was going to get out first.

13. Catalina, oh sweet little Catalina. She has had such a terrible life Santa. Please give her political asylum and a green card. The job offer that she has from Blake might not be in her best interest but you could give it a try at least until Blake gets her ministers license.

14. Blake Marler, speaking of the minister's license, why not go ahead and don't forget the rose bushes that she was promised for her $89.95.

15. Ross Marler needs a phone that cuts off at 10:00 PM automatically so that no one can find him while the poor man is trying to get some shut eye.

16. The Marler kids need for their parents to remarry whether Ross thinks that he needs to or not. And for God sake, don't let Blake have another child like the one in her fantasy. She has her hands full as it is.

17. Holly Lindsay needs some more fishing equipment so that she can impress Billy Lewis with her skills some more. Skunk not included this time unless you send her plenty of tomato juice to get rid of the scent.

18. Billy Lewis, let's see, yelp, it is about time for him to meet his soul mate and I do believe that he and Holly make a might nice couple. So Santa, give Billy a diamond ring to slip on Holly's finger. Someone may as well get married at the new real Millennium. Odds are running against Josh and Olivia actually tying the knot.

19. May, oh my God, May. May, May, go away and never come back any day. What in the world is wrong with this girl? Be sure that you sent the cigarette tray with her while you are at it.

20. Claire Ramsey has been a very bad girl this year. She helped Carmen Santos fake her death before her son provided the real thing for her and almost got Michelle killed in the process. I would say have Grandma Santos to take out a contract on her but I think that Danny crushed her cell phone and her ability to do that so I guess that a box of Cuban cigars for her and Alan to smoke is about all she deserve.

21. Father Ray Santos needs a new church and plenty of non-mob contributions to run it. He is such a good person. Please help him have a good and productive year Santa.

22. Danny Santos needs peace in his life anyway that you can find to give it to him. He really isn't a bad person so maybe a good psychiatrist will be able to make him see that Carmen left him no choice when he killed her.

23. Michelle Bauer Santos needs an uneventful pregnancy. She needs to just sit at the kitchen table with Aunt Meta and gestate until the baby is born healthy. No more sitting by the dock of the bay for her please. Or should I say, passed out by the dock of the bay.

24. Rick Bauer, well, you gave him his legitimate medical license and short of Abigail and a baby, I would say that this all the man really would want for Christmas.

25. And last but not least, Lizzie Spaulding. She needs to stay in remission and enjoy her new found health. Also, if Richard is going to execute Edmund when he finds out that he was behind the Cassie and O'Rourke scam, please let her stay in the dark about it when the deed is done.

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Updated 3/11/07

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