The Bold and The Beautiful Best Lines Thursday 3/8/12

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Brooke: (Gasps) (Sighs) Oh, my God. Your parents' wedding anniversary.

Ridge: Logan, what about it?

Brooke: It's almost here, and I haven't done a thing.

Ridge: (Chuckles) Oh, for God sakes.

Brooke: (Sighs)

Ridge: It's gonna be a big one, too.

Brooke: (Sighs) I always get confused. Is it--is it gold? Is--is it silver? Is it diamonds? China? What is it?

Ridge: It's broken china...

Brooke: (Sighs)

Ridge: Thrown at high velocity, okay?

Brooke: Mm. And do you start from the first day that they got married, or do you count all the other marriages? I don't--I don't know.

Ridge: They may not even want to celebrate a wedding anniversary.

Brooke: Why not?

Ridge: Well, for one thing, they haven't actually had a wedding.

Brooke: Do you think they even realize they're not married?

Eric: Uh, it seems... (Stammers) There must be some mistake, okay?

Gladys: You called our office.

Eric: I-I don't think it was you I spoke to.

Gladys: No, no, no, no. That would have been Alfonso.

Eric: Uh-huh.

Gladys: Now I'll come and check on the houseplants as soon as I finish the weeding and the fertilizing.

Eric: Yeah. (Chuckles) That woman is old enough to be my grandmother.

Stephanie: Don't be so mean.

Eric: No, it-- well, you didn't even see her.

Stephanie: Shh! She might hear you. You never know.

Eric: Now why can't you take my word for something for once in your life?

Stephanie: (Chuckles) Honey, whenever I take your word for something, all I end up is in big trouble.

Eric: (Clears throat) What are you talking about?

Stephanie: That's another reason why I'm never gonna marry you--again.

Brooke: I-I can't believe your mother, of all people, is living in sin.

Ridge: Oh, don't think there's a lot of sin going on over there... unlike us.

Brooke: I don't think people even realize we're not married, either. (Giggles)

Ridge: Can you blame them? How many times going down the aisle have we had?

Brooke: We should say "no gifts" on our next invitation.

Ridge: Yeah. Now Hope's living with a married man. We really are a bunch of degenerates.

Brooke: Ahh. (Gasps) I know what we can do-- besides the anniversary party.

Ridge: No, we are not having a double wedding with my parents. No way.

Brooke: Oh, come on.

Ridge: No! No, no. Nope.

(Door opens)

Gladys: I should report you to plant protective services. These rosebushes should have been pruned.

Stephanie: You?

Gladys: You?!

Stephanie: Gladys Pope?

Gladys: Queen Stephanie!

Stephanie: What are you doing here?

Gladys: (Chuckles) Who does your hair?

Stephanie: Landscaping? This is Sally's old hairdresser.

Gladys: These are difficult times. A girl has to diversify.

Eric: You what?

Stephanie: You remember all the cockamamie schemes those two would cook up?

Eric: Of course, I do. What?

Stephanie: Oh.

Eric: "Gladys Creative Artists."

Gladys: Why should I be the only person in Los Angeles who never tried acting?

Stephanie: How's that working for you?

Gladys: Well, decent parts for women over 90 have dried up in this town.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

Eric: Yeah. "Gladys' Wedding Officiants.” Does that mean that you can, uh, legally marry people?

Gladys: Does somebody in this house need a ball and chain? Haven't you been married since the beginning of time?

Stephanie: No, no, well, we're not married. We're just... shacking up.

Eric: We could actually just wrap this whole thing up right now.

Stephanie: I think that's your most romantic proposal.

Eric: You know, I could get down on one knee.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

Eric: You just have to promise to help me up when it's over.

Stephanie: (Laughs)

Gladys: If you both end up on the floor, I'll water you and just hope for the best.

Stephanie: She's not going to be our gardener.

Gladys: (Chuckles) Fine with me. But what about the wedding?

Eric: Well, you know, Gladys, neither one of us is really prepared to get married today.

Gladys: Prepared? What are you saving yourselves for?

Eric: But we don' even have a marriage license.

Gladys: I can print one out for you in the truck. All I need is your photo I.D. and 30 bucks. (Laughs)

Eric: We could really, um, uh, tie up all these loose ends quite legally right here.

Stephanie: Not with that lunatic.

Eric: (Chuckles) Oh, come on.

Stephanie: (Sighs)

Eric: There are crazier people than Gladys marrying people all over the world these days, right?

Stephanie: And you know every one of them.

Stephanie: Well, honey, we do now. Come on. You know what it is? (Inhales deeply) You just don't want to be... (Sighs) Old and alone. I don't care.

Eric: Well, I don't. You're right, I don't.

Stephanie: See? That's what I mean. If there's anybody that is ill-equipped... (Laughs) to be old and alone it's you. And it's not really that you-- you don't really need a lot of other people. It's just-- I think it's just that you want to have the sound of somebody rattling around in the den. I mean, come on. Isn't that what you're asking me? Hmm? To be the sound of somebody rattling around next door?

Eric: Here's what I know-- when a man asks a woman to marry him, it's the most outrageous request there is in the word, because he doesn't know what he's getting-- the future, the very definition of the unknown. You know what I want from you? I want your, uh, criticism.

Stephanie: Oh.

Eric: Yeah. (Chuckles) And your, uh, derisiveness.

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