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As The World Turns Top Ten List Pages

ATWT Top Ten List

Top Ten Things Not To Do If You Are Faking Paralysis
re: Andy Dixon 
By Bethany

1. Do not have the surgeon who is in love with your wife operate on you. How do you know that you will not be permanently paralyzed instead of faking?

2.  Do not have your father who is a prominent doctor get the books for you to read on how to administer the medication you need to do it yourself. He is a doctor, sooner or later is going to figure out what you needed those books for and then where will you be. We know he is a good liar, but even he can only lie so much.

3. Never turn your back on someone who is questioning the possibility that you are faking. There are all kinds of needles and pins in the house and you can never predict when he might decide to "needle" you with one.

4. Do not try to stay paralyzed for the sake of a woman who doesn't love you. What are you planning to do with her? If you are paralyzed, you can't move, so what good is it to have a fine babe around if you can't enjoy it.

5. Never steal medicine off the cart at the hospital. Your father is a doctor, your stepfather is a doctor.  You should know that they count that stuff at the end of each shift and someone is going to wonder where it went.

6. If you ignored run 5 and did it anyway, never throw the remains of what you took in a garbage can inside the hospital that you stole it from. Pack it up in your clothes, flush it down the toilet, crush the syringe but never just place the whole packaging in a trash can that someone with an inquiring mind will find. Are you nuts?

7. Never try to inject yourself in the back with a medication that will render you temporarily paralyzed. You are not a doctor and how do you propose to be able to count the vertebrae in your back to make sure that you get it between the correct 2. There is no way humanly possible, unless you are double-jointed that you can get yourself in the correct position to do this.

8. If you are finally caught, do not attempt to cover this lie with another lie. Have you not learned anything? Get in there, tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may not matter what your father says.

9. Do not lie to your mother. You should know that if anyone is going to make you live up to your mistakes, it will be the saintly Kim. Yes, we all know she has made a mistake or two but nothing lately so the earlier mistakes don't count against her now.

10. Don't be stupid enough to believe that it is all going to be live and let live. You have hurt a lot of people including yourself and you must suck it up now and get on with the business of living.

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Page updated 6/4/11

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