KAYDEE'S SASSY SOAP CORNER: Article #3:
Review for the Week of August 5-August 9, 2002
Yes, we made it!! Another week! Whew! I think we owe our
through the perils of this week's alien storylines to the
performances of Melissa Archer and Nancy Grahn. If it hadn't
those two ladies, I would have been overdosing on Minoxidil and
Chloraseptic from pulling my hair out by the root and screaming
top of my lungs at the TV screen.
I also have to favorably mention the great performances of Mark
and David Fumero, for the wonderful way Ben slammed Rae and
and for Cristian giving the Llanview PD the ammunition to
SOLVE a crime, something HE didn't go to school for!!
Which brings me to my review for the week..I am zooming in on
Llanview and General Hospital.
I have been screaming this very thing from the soap world
for many months now, and for those of you who have heard it
bear with me as I shout it again...
THESE WRITERS HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND ARE
WRITING STORIES THAT ONLY ALIENS WOULD BELIEVE!!!
Alien pixie-dust I tell ya!
Let me give you a few examples...
Allison Perkins, who was labeled "armed and extremely dangerous"
YEARS ago, has escaped from prison with Loonsey Rappaport,
extremely dangerous person, and the police department has been
on high alert, right?
Okay, then how is it that she's been able to drive a car around
unseen, capture two hostages, carry a trunk with an unconscious
inside by herself, from Atlantic City, NJ, put it in a car,
drive all the way
back to Llanview, PA, PARK the car in a driveway of a home that
been labeled a crime scene, take the trunk OUT of the car, drag
and down a flight of basement steps, again by herself, and NO
could catch her??
First of all, on Planet Earth, the trunk itself would have
strength of at least two strong men. Now, I'm a female myself,
and I am
all for gender equality, but let's be real here, people. Some
just damned HEAVY!! But I guess old Allie had acquired some new-
found super-human strength since after she found that ridiculous
Jetson meets Batgirl meets Florence Nightingale" outfit in
"Dr. Rae-Ray Cummngs" house! (Wink, JoAnn!)
And then there's Commissioner Bo Buchanan, a sorry soul if I've
seen one...toting his just as sorry right hand detective,
And before any of you prepare to fling a couple of knives and
my direction, let me clarify.
I like both of these men, they're just NOT good policemen.
Antonio actually has more street smarts and gut instincts than
superior, but he can't think past his immediate situation. He
had RJ by
the...(bleeep!) with the money clip. Keri was finally showing
in the in the intelligence department when she put RJ on the
I was really cheering, folks! I just knew that this was going to
The moment when RJ finally became a human being and stand up to
consequences of his actions. Granted, Keri knowing the truth
involvement would anger her, but seeing as she wants to believe
newly-found daddy, she would have gotten over it, and then it
Antonio's turn to make the choice of accepting her decision to
dad in her life.
The moment when the Llanview PD finally solved a crime on their
merits, the moment when this imposter serial that has taken over
airwaves would finally take a turn in Planet Earth's direction!
then...POOF! It was gone.
Kooky Keri provided an alibi for her father and turned the
Antonio, who also reverted back to mush. He had adamantly told
beloved that he was there on "police" business.
He would question RJ, because the situation had to be addressed,
though it might hurt her.
He had guts..and then Keri tells him that RJ was with her, and
RJ tells a
cock-and-bull story about having bought a money clip to replace
he "lost" days ago. And Antonio, a COP,
investigating a PRISON BREAK, doesn't have enough smarts to ask
for proof of purchase and the store he bought the "replacement"
If we were Llanview residents, would we feel safe?
And Bo, who tells Ben that he was 99% sure that Niki Smith had
returned, but after seeing Ben on the floor, he's now 100% sure.
Umm, WHAT??!! Pardon me, folks, but when, I repeat, WHEN, was Bo
ever even close to the path of Viki's DID? Cris solved the crime
police. Bo was handed the resolution of the case to him in a
Boutique bag, not an evidence bag!
Then there's Natalie, who's brutal slap to Niki's Smith face and
heartbreaking cries to her mother were the highlights of my day!
return of the feisty, redeemed young lady that many of us have
love was a brilliant move on the part of the pixie-dust addicts.
addition, Ben's anguished attack on Rae, (while I feel sorry for
Rae is suffering), brought the reality of the emotion of a
to life. The revelation of Ben's attempted murderer was also a
bonus, since Princess Jessica now has to eat that plate of Crow
has been piling up for herself.
We exit Llanview and arrive at Port Charles. Kristina Cassidine
passed away, and Alexis Davis is full of emotion. She has an
baby to protect from vultures. Namely, Sonny and Carly
Her brilliantly devised plan to gang-bash all who stuck their
into her life and caused a big mess was executed flawlessly. The
she pleasantly dismissed the people who did good in her and
lives, and then began by thanking the culprits for being the
little creatures that they are was shocking and indeed a long
She is a woman who is carrying a child who has the misfortune of
the offspring of a gangster. Her mission is to be able to carry
pregnancy to term..(which already is proving to be a task
climbing to the top of Mt. Everest. But hey, it's been done, so
And deliver a healthy child for which she can provide a normal
would like to leave the hospital with a baby basket filled with
some formula samples, a squeaky teddy bear, some diapers, some
samples, some coupons and maybe a bottle and a pacifier.
She would like to avoid the Godfather's baby basket, which in
to the above items, contains..a bulletproof vest, a Smith&
owner's instructional manual, free admission to bullet-dodging
and an extra immunization that protects the child from
Not to forget that his stepmother is a total jealous nutcase.
Then we have Luke and Laura. Laura has a memory of something
and chilling that happened in her attic. We were left with a
week-ending episode as Rick came at Laura with a hyperdermic
and she screamed just before someone was thrown through the
window..(a little flashback of Llanview, hm?)
With Genie Francis' upcoming exit, wouldn't it be nice if for
actors' characters that we love could go out in style? Lately,
it seems the
writing patterns for exiting characters is to turn vicious or
in point..Todd has made friends with Sebastian the Crab on:
Island: On location in Llanview's South Pacific.
When it was rumored that Kiko Ellsworth was supposed to be
his character turned vicious and cruel. Al Holden, who should be
leaving, has turned into a mouthy, disrespectful little stalker
to have left his sanity at the recast negotiation tables.
One final pain in the soap (BLEEP!)...
What is with this "SHOP THE SOAPS" lunacy? Every time you break
commercial, you have an option to buy something that one of the
characters had worn, looked at, thought about buying, or maybe
visualized in a dream?
What are they going to put up for sale next?
"Now you can buy the actual crab that Todd Manning befriended on
the Pacific Island on One Life to Live. It promises to be the
delightful tasting crab you ever had! Visit our website or call
SoapSap for more information."
If you are supposed to be buying the VERY item that the stars
a thousand people call for that item, who is really getting the