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Daytime Opinion Article
 

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED!

Kaydee's Soap Review #17
6/6/03

Greetings, Soaplings!

The Aliens are back! DUUUUCCKK! Uh-oh, watch out! They're landing in Llanview, and they're migrating to Port Charles! Susan, JoAnn, Toni, Babs, Deanne, Scott, Mansion Members...LOOK OUUUUTTT!!!

Jessica Buchanan has just tipped the looney scale over to the psycho side. I just watched her give away the few brain cells she managed to retrieve as Mitch fell over the balcony of the theater. First, let me say..BRAVO, Dorian! For bringing that evil cult freak to his knees! Way to go, Blair, for playing the best accomplice role on daytime in quite awhile! Then again, Kassie DePaiva is one of my faves, so I guess anything she does would make me happy.

Okay, back to Less-ica, (Less brains, that is!)

Just when it looked as if she had acquired some guts, some gusto, some flair, some BRAINS...going off on her own to make Mitch trust her and bring him down...SHE WEEPS for MITCH! HUH? WHAT? He may be her father, (and as I recall, that came about as a result of a horrendous crime), and maybe after hearing his abusive childhood story, I can understand her understanding his personality, but....CRYING for him because he may have fallen to his death? This substandard, scummier than the scum of the earth, CREATURE who raped your mother, tricked your sister into marrying him, set up a removal of her heart, blackmailed a judge into awarding him your mother's assets, and not to mention the rest of the endless crimes! UGH! Smack her a few times...HARD!

They have turned Jessica Buchanan into an airheaded seductress-wanna-be, and she has been put on my list of people to fast-forward when I watch the show. Antonio is just been one walking ball of rage these days, and it's taking our focus off of the sensitive nature of the storyline. There's a child out there, brand new to the world, who's being forced to live without a father in her life because her mom is being spiteful and her maternal grandfather is a sniveling little criminal who's more interested in possessing his daughter's time than actually doing what's best for his granddaughter despite his own petty differences with Antonio.

Mitch Lawrence...GRRRRR!!!! Is it me, or is his purpose being dragged out far beyond its limit? Adding his little brother in the mix makes his perverse advances & sexually-charged dialogue with women and his blasphemous ramblings remotely tolerable. I don't know how many times I've had to put myself through the QuickStart, Accelerated Hypnosis Program to keep from heaving my lunch whenever I caught Mitch giving one of his trademark predatory once-overs of the female characters.

And exactly what message is being given about the members of our law enforcement? First, Mitch Lawrence was able to bribe a judge into snatching the Lord-Buchanan assets out from under Viki's nose, and then he can flaunt his crimes without the almighty Commissioner of Police being able to gather enough evidence to stop the jerk? Man, he's a rapist, a murderer, and apparently the greatest master of elusion to ever live!

The criminals in this town are almost ALWAYS a step ahead of the police, the civilians always seem to bring crucial evidence to the cops, and the damage that has already been caused before the criminals are caught is usually at the detrimental or irreparable level. For example: HOW MANY HORRIBLE THINGS DID LINDSAY DO BEFORE SHE WAS CAUGHT? And even then, it was MITCH who goaded her into insanity and Sam's GHOST who pushed into a confession!

Speaking of the fallen Superbroom Queen...

Isn't it hilarious that she's more lovable as a legally-certified loon than as a loon posing as a high-society civilian? Just to be clear, I'm referring to Lindsay Rappaport and not Catherine Hickland! Just thought I'd clear that up to those of you who have given me flack for the Superbroom series. Lindsay is fictitious, and CATHERINE plays her brilliantly.

And now for the "Kudos" segment.

Kudos, writers, for the pairing of Al and Marcie! As much as I had torn out the roots of my hair during the Stalker Al era, I have truly enjoyed watching Al's character mature and evolve with some class. Marcie deserves true love, and watching her tell off Jen Rappaport was a moment I'll savor long after my grandchildren are grown!

Since my eldest child is only seven, I gather that you realize that's a very long time!

Kudos #2: For the hilarious hypnosis scenes! Roxy and Nigel were an A-classed comedy act, and watching the latest mismatch of Nigel and Renee while Roxy has Asa vying for the antidote is a double bonus.

Okay, a quick ride through Port Charles.

Alexis as Dobson....HYSTERICAL! Not to mention, creative! I can tell you that I would probably have don't the same thing given the circumstances, but I would probably not be as crafty keeping up the pretense as Alexis. It could be that Nancy Grahn is as talented an actress as Alexis is a phenomenal character. The reuniting of Nancy and Lane onscreen was a superb idea, and it could only be outdone if they allow Alexis and Cameron to hook up, battle the crazy Q's, get Kristina and high-tail it the hell outta there as soon as possible! Cameron has masterfully outdone the Quartermaines up to this point, and it would be great if the writers would have them progress on that route.

Did I forget to mention that Big Alice hitting on "Dobson" and Zander spotting his father kissing "Dobson" also kept me in stitches?

Then there's the cuckoo Corinthoses, who have been extended and are soon to add another life to the brood? Get ready, folks! We will soon witness the introduction of Smith & Wesson's new baby line. Pediatric bulletproof vests, gas masks, and Teflon car seats will be available for sale at a special mobsters' introductory price! See the "Shop the Soaps" brochure for details.

It seems like there's an outbreak of baby fever spreading across Port Charles these days. Skye is hitting on Ned, to get Alexis out of the picture, to get to be baby Kristina's stand-in mom. Ric is freaking out, rushing to get Liz pregnant again, and Carly seems to be the champion from whom all of the above want to steal the prize belt!

WHY?? The only thing that's going to occur when these babies are born is a massive hiring of nannies that will step in and raise them! UGH!

I respect Jason's and Courtney's decision to get married in spite of the opposition, I was proud of Sonny's brotherly love during the gown and tuxedo-picking ritual, and the upcoming return of Alcazar is something I'm looking forward to. I hope that we will be able to get a continuing dose of the good old days, when soaps were actually entertaining, and the storylines were something that kept us guessing and coming back for more.

Until next week, folks.

Share your rants and raves with me at: KaydeesHouse@aol.com .

Page updated 2/27/13

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