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Daytime Opinion Article 

Kaydee's Soap Review #10
10/10/02

Greetings, Soaplings!

If there ever were a time that I wanted to choke the hell out of someone, this was the week! Jen and Jessica. AARGH! Can you say, "DEATH to you both?" Maybe that's a good thing on the part of the actresses, since they were successful in evoking such a response from me...

NAH! I'm not too fond of one of the girl's acting skills to begin with, so turning her into a complete b@#$% isn't much of an improvement. I'll be focusing on all three soaps this week, as they have all been outstanding in different ways.

First...

WOO-HOO!! Viki's BACK!! If it hadn't been for her return, Gary Tomlin might have been forced to undergo a decontamination regime at Monsters Inc. would have definitely grabbed the man by his collar and doused him in my infant son's bowl of Chef-Boy-R-Dee spaghetti before sending him back to his Alien Writing Headquarters. Then I would have sat back and enjoyed as they yelled, 

"We have a â?~2319'!" 

Of course, if you've never seen the movie "Monsters, Inc.", this joke would have no bearing on you whatsoever.

Once more, we watch as unborn children fall victim to the schemes of desperate, airheaded women who choose to cling to loveless relationships because their self-esteem is so low, they can't live without a man.

GARY TOMLIN, GET REAL!!

Liz tells her daughter about a mystery man who helped her out of an automobile crisis, and Antonio tells Keri that he met a mystery woman that he's helped out of a car crisis, the two NEVER seem to meet, and each time they nearly do, Liz gets VISIBLY antsy and runs away, and DUH, Keri didn't put two and two together?

You don't need a degree in crime-solving to put some things together, you only need a BRAIN!

Now, we have a Blair/Sam pairing. Could the writers at least have given us a second to BREATHE and get reacquainted with the old, SINGLE Blair for a little bit before shoving another ill-fated relationship in our faces?

Again, a sexist, Fred Flinstone viewpoint being force-fed to us five hours a week. Blair was just betrayed by her soulmate, they divorce...(GASP!) She needs a man! Quick! Throw in her lawyer!  

Never mind that she had her heart ripped out by Todd's betrayal, never mind that only a week ago, she could barely sign her divorce papers. Forget healing time, she needs a new man. A woman? Single? Raising two children? Unheard of!!

Now, folks, we'll just finish this discussion after we milk the cows, churn the butter, bake the pies, scrub our church bonnets just right, then hitch up the team and take a ride down WALNUT GROVE!!

And then there's  the Looneyview teens. Although we have been spared the agony of seeing Al scrunch up his face in those annoying, lovesick puppy "Jen" grimaces, we've been forced to look into the deranged psychotic expressions of Jen Rappaport. UGH! As much as Lindsay has been getting on my nerves, I'll take her over her daughter any day.

Jessica, Princess Nobody, has done more than infuriate me with her outright cruel behavior toward Natalie. But, the writers have once again shown us a little mercy and Natalie a little reprieve when he made Viki stand firm and objective. Her execution of Solomon's Wisdom was heart-warming, and it brought out the smugness in me when she set Jess straight about not believing that Nat was guilty of anything before she heard all sides of the story.

The showdown between Mama Bear Davidson and Quack-Quack Rae-Ray was nothing to miss, either! The way Viki ripped into Rae, with her anger unmistakably obvious, yet never losing her dignity was PRICELESS!! Rae, although truthful in her low-blow, showed about as much class as Roxanne when she threw Viki's pain back in her face. Not to mention that the loony witch really doesn't feel responsible for all the trauma and chaos that her charade brought into the lives of the very people she had called "friends" for so many years!

Well, my wishes for Llanview..

Throw Jen, Al, Carlotta, Jess, and Lindsay over a cliff. Make it a very TALL cliff and a bottomless pit.

Arrest Rex and send him to "Bubba"'s cell so that he can really understand what kind of person goes around practicing voyeurism!!

Stop torturing Natalie, give her Cris already!! Give Cris back his brains and his damned spine!

Reveal this mystery person that's watching Nat already! We already have enough frustrating unrealistic storylines on our plates!

I move away from Llanview and head into "Port Charles. Naked Eyes." Um, catchy title, except the eyes aren't the only body parts that are naked in this town! Frank has been exposing his um, EYES, for quite awhile now! How many illegitimate children does this man have running around town that he hasn't taken even a minute interest in supporting? I have given him a new nickname...Sir Seed and Breed. Forget the Avatar! He just needed an excuse to satisfy his wild hormones.

Is this the message that the writers want to repeatedly send to us? That there's no chance of true love in a relationship? Every time an already struggling couple finally get together, the writers allow some horrible tragedy to befall them. A few examples?

Rafe and Allison..( Well, at least he came back).

Natalie and Cris

Keri and Antonio

SKYE AND JAX!!

Is there anything more cruel than what the writers have done to that poor couple? Haven't both of these souls suffered great pain and loss before they got together? Why can't they be happy without the wrath of Mr. Sonny Nine-Lives Soprano-Corinthos stepping in to ruin everything?

Kudos to Mike, for telling Sonny off about his death plot! Thumbs up and down to Carly..

Thumbs up to her for showing more guts than all of the soap opera men put together at the "family" meeting, thumbs down for blowing up Alexis' spot. I know that all of you are probably damning me to soap opera Hell for saying that, considering that Scott had her neck in a noose, but consider this...

Carly has been holding the baby's paternity over Alexis' head for the longest, don't tell me she wasn't dying for the opportunity to make Alexis squirm?

Well, I want to see:

1)  Brenda knock Carly on her skinny little hide

2)  Skye to knock some sense into stubborn Jax

3)  Ned and Alexis to get married

4)  Lila to throw a rock at Edward

5)  AJ to kick Coleman where the sun can't shine

6) Bobbie to kick Scott's sorry rear when she finds out that he blackmailed Carly

and finally...

Luke and Laura to reunite and join the long list of Baldwin-haters to bury him next to Teresa Carter.

But even as I write my wish list, I know the wishes are only my thinking. Until next week, folks, feel free to contact me at: KaydeesHouse@aol.com.Feel free to contact me at: KaydeesHouse@aol.com  with your thoughts and feedback.

Tune in next week, folks.

Page updated 2/27/13

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