All My Children Rant #19 From The TV MegaSite

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Rant #19
By Kariyaki

Wow, this month brought quite the newbie brigade. Damn, I almost needed a social secretary to keep up with all of them. I've heard a LOT of complaining about the show lately and I have to say that I think people are doing too much complaining/fast-forwarding and not enough actual watching because it's really not THAT bad. There's something mildly interesting about EACH storyline, no matter what it is. And yes, that's including the teen scene.

Let's start with that. As of now, we have both couples kaput. Jamie and Laurie seem to have struck up a friendship, much to JR's chagrin. And I swear, every other word out of Joni's mouth is JR this and JR that. I think she has the hots for him (Lord knows WHY). And judging from her What Women Want fantasy last month, I think she definitely has some bad-girl tendencies under that goody-goody exterior that she's dying to let loose. But they're not progressing it fast enough. My interest in them is hanging on by a spider-web tendril at best, so I hope they step it up soon before all the complaining forces them to drop it. And if there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's having a story get dropped. Because then there was all that time wasted building up to it for nothing.

Speaking of teens, we seem to have a new one now. Reggie. He's so far just interacted with Laurie as far as other teens go. He lives with Trey, now works at Fusion and Janelle (another newbie) seems to have an unusual interest in him. I'm sure we'll be seeing some storyline develop with all those Reggie-irons in the fire.

It seems the writers think that in order to add interest to a drowning storyline, they need to just add one ingredient: Kendall. That seems to be true. I've never seen a character so seamlessly interwoven into just about everything. They briefly injected her into the Mauria/Aidan storyline to spice it up. That day where Mauria and Kendall were stuck out on the highway with a flat tire, bickering and butting heads, had to be the funniest scenes of the whole month. I quickly tired of Kendall hanging around and looking pathetic with the moon-eyes she was making at Aidan and luckily, it didn't last. They pulled her back out of there and into her own storyline again.

Kendall's beating the men off with a stick lately. She meets Michael, a shady, yet charming character, in Aspen and it's quite clear that she's smitten. Meanwhile, we have poor, poor Boyd confessing to Bianca that he's totally in love with Kendall. That admission right there pretty much sealed his fate as he will probably not EVER get anywhere with her now. Kind of feel sorry for the guy. But if he misses out with Kendall, it's his own fault for not acting on it.

Mauria is back at Edmund's. Ironically enough, it probably would have been safer for her to stay with Aidan what with Edmund drugging her and all. I am SO pissed at Edmund for that. He spends months of his life ranting at anyone who made the mistake of listening about how reprehensible David was for giving Mauria an untested drug and then what does he do? Well, I'll just say two words and leave it at that: "pot" and "kettle."

This assassin chick that shot Aidan totally smacks of "Buffy." If it were just the Evil and the Leather, I'd be reminded of Faith, but the British accent pushes her over into the Spike category. Adding to that Aidan saying that he's a do-gooder with a tortured soul *cough Angel! cough* makes for some very disturbing imagery. As you can see, I make my own fun when Morgan and Aidan are on because scene after scene of these two characters (one of whom is brand-spanking new, the other is someone that just never caught on) is pretty uninteresting. All they talk about is stuff that happened off screen involving more people we don't know. Morgan's lewd humor DOES amuse me here and there, though. And by the way? The fact that Aidan seems to be some sort of reformed international thief makes me really dislike his hypocritical ass for dumping Kendall just because she was too mean to Erica. Does someone think his own excrement is not odorific?

I really have no commentary about Jake sleeping with that resident. The deed is done, how it will play out is yet to be determined.

Well, the Bianca/Maggie "thing" seems to be a done deal. Like it was ever really anything to speak of. Ten months we get of them tip-toeing around whether or not they're attracted to each other culminates in Bianca forcing the issue, only to have Maggie say that she's "into guys." Well, thank you very much, Maggie. Why didn't you just say that back in April? It's not like I'm all upset about it, though. I never thought ABC/Disney aka "the family network" was EVER going to go through with any lesbian story. Never in a million years. Now we have the pretty dull storyline of Maggie and the world's biggest stereotype of Asians, Henry. While Bianca sits around Enchantment listening to employees sighing about their love for her older sister. This thing with the suspicious new employee, Lena, is intriguing but again I'm not going to hold my breath. This is Disney we're talking about here. Oppressive as the day is long.

This month's rant seems a bit long, so I'll stave off on clothing commentary this time around. Nothing really jumped out and smothered me with its tackiness, anyway.

The appearance tally? Oy. I'm splitting it up into two sections this month. One for the previously established characters and one for the newbies. I have good news and bad news about the Screenhog this month. The good: someone else besides Mauria gets the title. The bad: Mauria still gets it because it was a tie. She and Aidan dominated the screen for the month of January. Yee. Haw.

17 - Mauria, Aidan 
16 - Kendall 
15 - Edmund 
12 - David, Laurie 
11 - Greenlee, JR 
9 - Adam, Trey 
8 - Jake, Jamie, Mia 
7 - Joni, Maggie, Simone 
6 - Doug, Liza 
5 - Anna, Erica 
4 - Bianca, Boyd, Brooke, Chris, Isabella 
3 - Derek, Jack, Tad 2 - Maddie, Petey 
1 - Palmer, Stuart, Sam, Winifred 
MIA - Colby, Joe, Marian, Myrtle, Opal, Ruth

It's sad that I have a whole new chart just for the newbs. The writers ever hear of moderation? Yeesh.

8 - Janelle, Morgan 
5 - Henry, Lysistrata, Reggie 
4 - Lena, Regina 
3 - Alison 
2 - Jordan 
1 - Michael

You'd think it was summer what with all the skin being flashed around. And we've had lots of making out scenes, but not very many sex ones. The only onscreen sex was had between Jake and Alison the Resident. Erica and Chris most likely got themselves some in Aspen, but thankfully, I wasn't subjected to watching it.

As for the making out, we've had, let's see… Kendall and Aidan spending a day sucking face at the bus depot, Kendall kissing Michael in Aspen, Aidan making out with Morgan for some disturbed reason, Jake and Mia getting busy (but not TOO busy) on their couch, Jack and Erica winding up the month with some making out in her apartment. And if those previews for the episode that starts the month of February out are to be believed, they'll be adding to the sex tally NEXT month.

Skin: The guys win. Aidan spent all day with no shirt on at Kendall's. Half of it in a towel, the other half with pants. Boyd got duped into a photo shoot by Kendall and took his shirt off for it. Jake spent a good deal of time in his tryst with Alison shirtless and then shed it again later with Mia.

For the girls, we had Kendall in just a skirt and bra for half an episode, Alison in pants and a bra with Jake and Mia in skimpy lingerie with Jake.

The opinions in these articles are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The TV MegaSite or its other volunteers.

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Updated 9/28/10

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