All My Children Rant #9 From The TV MegaSite
 

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Rant #9
By Kariyaki
5/17/02

Erica's behavior in the courtroom was just abominable. Why do all the judges in Pine Valley allow her to scream and yell out of order like that? The Pine Valley Justice System needs some sort of audit by the Bar or however they do it, because they suck at legal procedure. And 25 grand for bail? For the charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor? The hell?

Kendall was really in top form in the post-courtroom scenes. She was majorly on the offensive in all her sparrings with Erica and Bianca. The writers are really going out of their way to make sure everyone thinks Kendall is evil. Eeeeeevil! If they really wanted to hammer that into our heads, they should have had Kendall wear those black leather pants. 'Cause you know, black leather = evil. It's in the Writer's Guide to Clichés.

I swear, EVERY time someone makes a comment to Kendall about her adoptive mother, she manages to deflect the response so that she doesn't say what happened to old, Alice Hart. I hate that, because I'm dying to know if she's dead. Kendall's worry during the fire, that everybody near her gets hurt would certainly reinforce that. And if Alice was dead, it would explain Kendall's renewed pursuit of Erica's acceptance. Isn't a character with understandable motivations a good thing? And while I'm in question-mode, just HOW DOES Kendall know the decor detail of Bianca's room? I really don't like the idea that Kendall was being all stalkery.

Just to be clear, everybody knows that Kendall did NOT start the fire, right? Because I think it's pretty obvious that with all the circumstantial evidence presented to us, the audience, wrapped up in a nice, little package complete with a festive bow, that Kendall's actually innocent this time. I mean, not only am I sure Kendall didn't torch Erica's house, I know who did and why. Not because I'm spoiled or anything, but because I'm gifted at figuring out these soap mystery plots. I actually figured out that Janet Green was the Crowbar Killer way back when. And that was actually a difficult mystery to solve. This one's a cake-walk. It's Trey. His motivation? To destroy the Proteus files that Chris brought with him when he moved in (why Chris doesn't keep this stuff in an office of some sort, I'll never know. Revlon seems to have an office in Pine Valley, the FBI doesn't?). The camera even thoughtfully gave us a close-up of his file box. And if I am actually wrong about this, well, you can color me surprised.

Erica was just so freaking irritating during the fire scenes. She seemed more concerned with blaming Kendall for it than worrying over Bianca. Not that she was short in that department, but I think her full concentration should have been Bianca and Chris and it wasn't. Kendall was doing her damndest to keep her from killing herself in the fire, but Erica wouldn't listen to her (natch). I kept thinking Kendall should just freaking let her go, but deep, deep, down, Kendall actually cares whether Erica lives or dies. And in what was truly my favorite scene this week, Kendall smashes her into unconsciousness with a vase to save her from herself. I can't tell you how many times I rewatched that scene. A laugh riot, I tell you.

Is anyone else thinking "Three's Company" with Anna catching all the wrong snippets of David's conversations with people and then misunderstandings ensue? Only these hijinks aren't wacky. She's just secretly taking birth control pills. Dun dun dunnnnnn!

Ooh. Loved Roger and Leo's scene. Leo snatches the box Roger's trying to get to and holds it over his shoulder. Unknown to Josh Duhamel, the box's contents fall out. The scene that ensues is just hilarious. Leo picks up the bustier and holds it to his front torso while saying that imagining it's for Roger paints an "ugly picture." Tell me about it, Leo. But then, so does the mental picture of Simone wearing it for Roger. The latter is the lesser of two evils, but I'd just rather NOT have the mental pictures in my head at all, thank you very much. It's bad enough that Greenlee ended up wearing the lingerie picked out by her father. Ewwww. Sure, she didn't know that but Leo did. And he still went drooling after her like Pavlov's dog. Double ewwww.

The rest of the plot this week just seems to be Dixie mourners. I can't describe how boring that is. Most of the actors are doing a good job, but JR in particular is just not up to a grieving scene yet. He isn't experienced enough. The other JR probably could have nailed it.

I'm all proud of Kendall now. She actually admitted she loves Ryan. We could see that she did for weeks, but she's normally so guarded. I don't think she's ever said that to someone first like that. I remember with Del, he had to drag it out of her.

I'll admit it. They got me. I'm absolutely DYING to know what the hell is up with Trey and Maggie hugging. Because they haven't had so much as one second of screen time together before this. Grr. Argh. I hate it when they catch me off guard like that.

Clothes: Kendall's halter top is a relief. My eyes feel good this week. BUT... (admit it, you knew THAT was coming) why does Kendall feel the need to dress like a prostitute when she goes to court? It's not like she was busted for soliciting. Bianca had the right idea. She looked like a librarian. That hairdo...sheesh.

The opinions in these articles are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The TV MegaSite or its other volunteers.

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