All My Children Rant #5 From The TV MegaSite
 

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Rant #5
By Kariyaki
4/12/02

Well, Erica and Stamp are “reunited and it feels so gooooood!”  Maybe to them, but for me, I still find them boring.  Erica needs someone she can throw a vase at.  Granted, with Stamp in the wheelchair, he’s at vantage point that would make him difficult for teeny Erica to miss, but he just doesn’t provoke that response in her. 

Meanwhile, just outside, Erica and Stamp’s kids are exchanging bodily fluids like it’s nobody’s business.  Actually, it’s everybody’s business since Kendall and Ryan are doing so in broad daylight on the front porch of Myrtle’s.  Then inexplicably, Kendall breaks from the kiss and takes off.  When Ryan catches up to her at her car, (and this is where I burst out laughing) Kendall’s lip gloss (which had been previously sucked off by Ryan) has magically reapplied itself.  Hello, continuity?  *waves*  I know you’re there somewhere.  So then Kendall and Ryan have this perplexing conversation in the car that I can only think is some sort of foreshadowing for Kendall.  Because she mentions “losing control and paying for it” and her past lovers trying to change her.  (But only in passing.  Sorry, for those of you hoping she’d mention what the hell happened with Del…still no details.)  At any rate, Kendall does her best to get rid of Ryan, finally slamming Gillian, which works like a charm and he leaves in a huff. 

David, Leo and Maggie bond over food.  This is a new spin on a scene.  The actors are actively chowing down here.  Leo, in one of his surprised double-takes actually snorts some food bits out of his mouth.  The food snorting was compliments of Leo being informed that Maggie wants to be a doctor and that David married Anna.  Leo was out of the loop on both.  Although, to be fair, David only just found out about Maggie’s doctor thing ten minutes before. 

Kendall starts her job at Enchantment.  Erica gives her full access to everything except her file cabinet which is for Erica’s eyes only.  Naturally, Kendall can’t concentrate until she breaks into it.  Which is put on hold with the arrival of Bianca, who helps Kendall out when she gets swamped.  I looooooove the Kendall/Bianca scenes.  The actresses just execute them so well.  And even better is the fact that Erica hates it. 

So then we have the obligatory female-bonding-over-food scene.  Wow, what a clichéd scene.  Always fun, though.  This time, our participants were Greenlee and Simone.  Simone gives me a disturbing visual by talking about Mateo’s great buns.  Greenlee makes me laugh when she’s lamenting about being thrown over for Erica Kane’s evil spawn.  Simone:  “Bianca?”  Greenlee:  “No, the straight one.  Kendall.”  Hee! 

Enchantment scenes.  Here we go with the “Gulliver’s Travels” again.  I didn’t notice the height differences as much this time because the scenes between the three cattiest women in Pine Valley was just that damn entertaining.  Greenlee rats out Kendall for snooping in Erica’s Secret File Cabinet.  Erica surprises them both  by chastising Greenlee for being a tattletale and telling Kendall to watch her back and not get caught next time.  Greenlee gets in a good dig at Kendall by calling her “ringlet trailer trash.”  *snerk*  The scene concludes with the three of them working silently with the fakest insincere smiles on their faces and plotting against each other.  Which we can hear courtesy of inner monologues. 

I still don’t know where they’re going with Mia.  On one hand, it looks as though she may develop an unhealthy attachment to Colby.  On another, it seems like the father of her given-up-for-adoption son is traipsing around Pine Valley.  Some people assume it’s Trey, some think it’s someone on that list of interns Mia saw a couple of weeks ago.  It’s still a fledgling story, but they need to hurry up and flesh it out, before it becomes uninteresting.  Oop, too late. 

I would love to talk about Leo and Greenlee.  No, really.  I would.  But that story has draaaaaaaagged for so long (ditto Proteus) that I have lost the will to care. 

I don’t remember them doing anything with the front part of Liza’s brain during the operation.  So, did she fall from the bed with no guard rails or something?  Because she looks as though she got punched in the face.  This amnesia thing confuses me.  She doesn’t remember Adam (her shrinking from him in fear was funny), but she remembers Colby?  Sigh.  Whatever. 

More stuff I don’t get:  Tad and Edmund in a pissing contest over Jamie.  Jamie being so mortified about Vanessa.  Sure, she scared the bejesus out of him, but it’s not like Vanessa has a history of tormenting him or something.  It was just an isolated incident. 

Finally, I’d like to think I would have been surprised that the singer at the engagement party turned out to be Vanessa with a really large knife at Greenlee’s throat, but I didn’t get around to watching Friday’s episode right away and I got spoiled by others talking.  I’m sure it would have caught me by surprise.  Well, maybe not.

The opinions in these articles are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The TV MegaSite or its other volunteers.

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