Well, November sweeps are over. And may I just
say how horribly, horribly dull it was? I thought sweeps was
supposed to mean excitement and risk-taking plots. Instead we get a
month of Mauria whining about her amnesia, Jamie whining about his
mom and Adam, Liza whining about her sister and Adam, Greenlee
whining about Leo, Erica just whining… Anyone else sensing a theme
The Kendall and Aidan romance seemed to move at a
glacial pace. I feel sorry for the poor guy, myself. Would you want
to be falling for someone that continually goes on and on about their
last ex and keeps telling you that you’re nothing more than a roll in
the hay? Doesn’t sound like fun. But Aidan is determined to win
Kendall over and even volunteers to help her find Ryan so she can have
some closure. He may actually crack through that barrier she’s built
So Frank has his big secret from Simone.
Apparently, he was there when her brother ODed and… I have no end to
that sentence. I don’t really get Frank’s guilt here. That he didn’t
do anything to help? He was some stupid film student, he wasn’t the
doctor he is today. It’s all just pointlessly dull. And yet Frank
and Simone are NOT the most boring couple on this show right now…
…That honor goes to Jake and Mia. Good God,
they’re dull. They seriously do nothing while they are onscreen
except waste my time. I can’t discuss their storyline because THEY
DON’T HAVE ONE.
We apparently have a teen story gearing up.
Another JR recast, girlfriend Laurie with stepped-up screentime, Jamie
and his girlfriend Joni. I like the Jamie and Joni actors (I can see
potential, though they’re inexperienced), but the other two are
grating on my nerves like you wouldn’t believe. Laurie is stiff and
stilted and she should be better since she’s been around ever since
last May. Don’t get me started on JR. He’s as wooden as Laurie, but
on top of that he has some irritating mannerisms that are really
distracting. And both Jamie and JR desperately need haircuts.
Jamie’s hair looks like an oil slick. He needs to lay off the hair
Oh, and what I said last rant about Mauria’s
amnesia storyline being dragged out? It hasn’t advance ONE IOTA all
the month of November. Sure, there was a revelation here and there
(like that dead body), but it STILL WENT NOWHERE. And in fact just
seemed to herald the arrival of the Pod People. Because that HAS to
be the reason Anna is acting so out of character now.
Mateo’s back. *flatly* Yippy skippy. I had
actually grown attached to the replacement actor. Not because he was
a great actor or anything, but because it was fun to imagine that he
and Edmund had a hot affair going on. Seriously, that guy had more
chemistry with Edmund or Aidan than he EVER did with Hayley. I’m
going to miss him. He made the show more interesting for me on those
There were very few things that I did
enjoy about sweeps. One was the bar brawl Kendall and Greenlee got
in. The choreography could have been better, but it still amused. I
really love watching the new generation of big bitches lock horns.
The comedic timing and line delivery of both actresses is impeccable.
This idea of Trey’s for them to form a partnership and found their own
cosmetics business may seem ludicrous and downright dangerous on the
surface, but you just know it will disastrously come to fruition.
This is the ONLY storyline I’m interested in seeing pan out.
Continuing with the favorites here… While I hate
the Liza’s-suspicions-are-all-in-her-head storyline with a white hot
passion, the image of Mia going flying through that attic window like
Batman was just hysterical. I rewound and watched that so many times
that the actual number is potentially embarrassing. There’s nothing
sweeter than seeing a disaster befall an annoying pointless
Another thing I liked: Erica and Kendall’s scene
at the new penthouse. The one where Erica tried to bribe her into
giving up Trey’s confession for knowledge of Ryan’s whereabouts. I
usually don’t like their scenes anymore because nothing good ever
comes of them. Usually, it’s just the two of them arguing about the
same shit over and over again, but this time they covered some new
ground. Erica thought she had Kendall pegged, but was in for a shock
when her disowned daughter refused to be bought. Even for Ryan. I’m
actually proud of Kendall for being noble for once. And of course, it
culminated in a retaliatory strike by Erica to find the confession
herself by trespassing in Kendall’s room. Kendall and Trey promptly
had her ass thrown in jail. That simple moment of Erica being jailed
almost rivaled the bar fight as my single favorite scene of the
Speaking of Trey, he and Bianca have really
turned into these plot parasites with no real story of their own.
Trey has become the Messenger of Leo trying to get Greenlee out among
the world of the living while all Bianca did all month was to get
herself arrested so she could hang out with Erica in jail.
Clothing. Kendall continues to be tasteful. I
know, I’m shocked too. Maggie wore that damn band uniform jacket
again. Lord, it’s ugly. And the less said about the fashion at that
horrific costume ball, the better.
Appearances. It really is interesting to look at
the numbers and see who was the screenhog for the month and who is
being completely wasted. Out of 20 episodes aired for the month of
November, we have:
15 – Mauria (our Screenhog of the month)
14 – Brooke
12 – Adam, Kendall, Edmund, David, Anna
11 – Tad
10 – Aidan, Jamie
9 – Liza, Jake, Greenlee, Trey, Maggie, Simone
8 – Jack, Mia
7 – Frank, Winifred
6 – JR
5 – Erica
4 – Chris, Laurie, Marian
3 – Bianca, Hayley, Sam, Maddie, Opal
2 – Palmer, Petey, Mary, Isabella, Mateo, Zeke,
Colby, Joni, Donald Steele
1 – Stuart, Myrtle, Funzo
MIA – Phoebe, Ruth, Joe (the usual)
I also decided to do what I call my Completely
Shallow Sex and Skin Tally.
The following couples had onscreen sex this
month: Brooke/Adam, Anna/David, Kendall/Aidan, Simone/Frank.
Honorable Mention goes to Mauria/Edmund for their valiant effort of
stopping at second base.
As for skin, it was pretty much limited to the
sex couples. We had underwear shots of Anna, Kendall and Simone in
various degrees of bras or lingerie and Aidan in his boxer briefs.
The shirtless category is almost always exclusively a guy thing, but
we did have a female this month. Kendall joined Adam, Aidan, David
and Frank in the ranks of the shirtless. We also had Brooke and
Simone in the sheet-up-to-armpits shot.
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