All My Children Rant #16 From The TV MegaSite

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Rant #16
By Kariyaki

Wow, it's been two months since I've written anything here. Sorry about that. Life sometimes gets in the way of the fun things.

A lot's happened. First of all, there have been lots of hormones racing around lately. Did David spike the punch again? Because day-umn.

Couple #1 - Brooke and Adam. They're something of a surprise. The surprise for me is that I like them. I thought I'd hate the two of them hooking up AGAIN because they've been down that reunification road before. But they seem to realize that the other has too much emotional baggage to take the affair seriously. As a result, they are VERY entertaining. Down-side: Hayley found out about them already and I had to spend an entire episode listening to her rag on them. Get a life for Christmas, would ya, woman?

Couple #2 - Anna and David. This is a couple I'm not really rooting for. I don't really like the character of David. He's too smarmy and, quite frankly, not good enough for Anna. Up-side: David isn't done lying to Anna, so the truth will eventually lead to more blow-ups between the two. I love those scenes because the actors are terrific and can really sell those painful break-ups.

Couple #3 - Kendall and Aidan. I guess Kendall's JR-infatuation was just a fleeting thing. Or maybe the writers want to turn JR to age eighteen before they take it any further. Whatever; now they've thrown her back into Aidan's direction. I don't exactly have a whole lot to say about them because this coupling only just picked up. Let's talk about the coupling, though. Specifically, the sex scenes. Sweet Jesus! That was some hot stuff. There was shirtlessness on the part of BOTH actors and…and…tongues. You don't even WANT to know how wide my eyes got when Aidan pranced around in his boxer briefs. Down-side: They're romance so far is playing out very similar to the way Kendall and Ryan's did. That wouldn't be so bad except it was only six months ago. It's still fresh in our minds. But this one's only just out of the starting gate, so I'm not going to be too harsh just yet. And if they continue to have love scenes like they have so far, my brain will be too melted to care anyway.

Couple #4 - Maria and Edmund. Or is it Maureen and Edmund? Blah, let's just call her, Mauria, shall we? They seem to be doomed by Mauria's mood swings. They get all hot and bothered, but Mauria puts on the brakes when Edmund calls her "Maria." In fact, she gets really upset to be called that at any time. That happened while they were driving and she wrecked the car. Jeez, Mauria, if it bothers you that much, wear a freaking name tag. And guess what? What very little interest I had in Mauria's memory issue is fading fast. They're dragging it too far out.

Couple #5 - Erica and Chris. Thankfully, this couple is either not having sex or they're not showing them when they do. Whatever it is, I'm grateful. This latest "idea" of Chris's to hold Eric Kane responsible for what Richard Fields did to Erica is just too ludicrous for words. I'm looking forward to watching Erica explode when she finds this out. And that's the ONLY thing I'm anxious to see between these two. Because Christmas wedding? Who cares?

Moving on to other storylines. Proteus. It's done. Flick your Bics, the finale is over. I'm kind of sorry to see it go. It dominated the screen for so long, I can hardly remember a time when there WAS no Proteus story. With the exception of the Mateo involvement, I actually liked it. Most definitely at the end once Vanessa's true psychosis was revealed and Leo, Greenlee, Trey and Kendall all became involved. The latter four characters were really entertaining as they were trying to unearth the Proteus fortune. It was comedy gold. It all culminated in the tragedy of Leo and Vanessa taking headers off a waterfall. I'll get to Leo in a minute, but I think it was a mistake to write off Vanessa already. There were still too many loose ends left. Like who was Leo's father? What exactly happened with Richard Fields? All we got were some insane ramblings that can easily be waived away as the rantings of a psycho. They should have kept her around longer.

Leo. The scenes of his death were just heart-breaking; watching him clutching a log with both hands, then one hand, then nothing. The follow-ups with the other characters were great as well. Trey rescuing Greenlee. David at the foot of the falls, helplessly pacing. Anna sinking next to a bush when she found out about Leo. The characters in their homes watching the events on the TV. Sniff!

The revelation about Kendall and Trey's familial ties is out. I really like the Kendall/Trey scenes because they have to be just the cutest siblings ever. They have so much in common with their family and trust issues so it makes sense that they bond with each other more than they do with their other respective siblings.

Speaking of Kendall's other sibling…is Bianca even still ON this show? I barely remember even seeing her last month. Just reaction to Leo's death, really.

Actually, I managed to do a little tally. Out of 22 episodes aired for the month of October, the character that appeared in the most of them was *drum roll* Trey with 18 episodes. Second place was a tie between David and Kendall with 17. Moving on down, we had a four-way tie at 13 episodes between Anna, Edmund, Mauria and Greenlee. Next was Brooke at 12 episodes. Leo and Vanessa started the month out strong, but lost ground by dying and all. They came in at 10. Also at that count was Jack and Adam. Erica was in 9 episodes. Aidan: 8. Chris and Maggie: 7. Some of these pairings are rather odd, aren't they? At 6: Tad and Liza. And some of the couples make total sense. Bianca and Jake: 5. Whole bunch tied for 4: Frank, Maddie, Mia, Simone and Zeke. Jamie, Mateo, Colby, Marian, Opal, Joe and Isabella tied for 3. Coming in at 2 episodes: JR, Palmer, Sam, Donald Steele, Myrtle and Hayley. And wowing us with his solitary episode was Enzo. Or as I call him: Funzo. (Endeth Simpsons reference). MIA for the month is Petey, Phoebe and Ruth, although the last two are hardly surprising.

Clothing. Our favorite Fashion Victim has been surprisingly well-wardrobed. Kendall wore the leather pants a couple of times. You can never go wrong with those. Also, she was over-shadowed by Erica's horrendously awful Black-Bra-Under-White-Backless-Strapless-Dress ensemble. This is the one time I'm sure Kendall DOESN'T mind Erica stealing her thunder. It was retina-searing, that dress.

In other news, Maggie's seen American Pie too many times and was recently spotted dressed for band camp.

And finally, I talk about the new opening credits sequence. Aren't they pretty? No really, aren't they? Much more improved with the music. Some of the people REALLY needed new pictures.

The opinions in these articles are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The TV MegaSite or its other volunteers.

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Updated 9/28/10

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